Ringing in my ears and deep in my heart

This morning, did you hear it???

The bells ringing....

Did you hear it???

It was the sweetest sound ever!!!

At the Ottawa cancer hospital it is customary for patients to ring the bell after their last chemotherapy session.

So, did you hear the bell this morning?

I sure did!

Today my mom rang the bell.

Today was my mom's last chemotherapy session.

That wonderful sound is still ringing in my heart.

Fashion Statements

For the next 7 weeks, my mom is going to be sporting this lovely fashion accessory:

We, will be wearing our hearts on our sleeves.

Today, as I type this, my mother begins 7 weeks of radiation and chemotherapy as part of her treatment and survival plan against Stage 3 throat cancer.

Prayers are appreciated as my mom begins her battle. May she have the strength and perseverance needed to be victorious. May those of us around her offer the love, support and assistance she needs. May the talents, knowledge and expertise of the medical team successfully treat her. May God know that our faith is strong, our hearts open and our love pure. And may this cancer be GONE, and may our fashion statements go out of fashion VERY SOON.

(Love you Mom!)

Nonchalant, I am not!

Today I ran into an old friend.

We exchanged pleasantries, and I asked her what was new. Following her heavy sigh and declaration that "not much is new, same old, same old, she asked me the same question.

I joked about my weight loss journey, proudly stated my accomplishments, and with much excitement told her of my upcoming half marathon. I smiled ear to ear while I told her that we drove all the way to BC for a summer vacation, and how the entire experience was super-wonderful. I told her how excited all three kids are for school. Then I told her my big news.

She looked at me - kind of scrunched up her face - wrinkled her nose, looking down at me, she blinked her eyes a few exaggerated times and replied, "You're sure being a bit nonchalant about the whole deal aren't you?"

"Huh?!??!?! Nonchalant?!?!?!?"

"Ya, nonchalant. You know: Hey, I've lost 80-something pounds, I am running a half marathon, we drove to BC, had a camping trip, kids going to school, life is great, and oh, ya, my mom has stage three cancer. Jeez, Laura, that seems a bit nonchalant to me..."

I was awestruck. It felt like I was just sucker-punched.

Oh, the reply I wanted to scream back at her. But I was speechless.

No, I am not being nonchalant. Not at all. Life goes on, life has to go on. But while life is going on, every moment and every second of the day, I am thinking of my mom, the battle ahead of her and I am feeling a million, trillion emotions.

I am not being nonchalant.

I am sad. Scared. Hopeful. Upset. Faithful. Cheerful. Tearful. Supportive. Angry. Positive. Nervous. Numb. Trusting. Spiritual. Foggy. Steady. Fearful. Courageous. Terrified. Confused. Caring. Stunned. Loving. Helpful. Inadequate. Empathetic. Anxious. Sympathetic. Shocked. Concerned. Optimistic.

I am a million emotions all wrapped up.

I pray and hope and know that everything will be fine.

I am anything, but nonchalant.

I am anything and everything I can be and I need to be to help and support my mother, my best friend.

Nonchalant, I am not.