Dear Mom,
For me, everyday is mother's day. Why? Because every single day I am thankful that you are my mother. Everyday I turn to you for support, advise and help: everyday you offer me endless support, advise and help. Not a day goes by that I do not admire, love and respect you. Not a day goes by that I do not hope to make you just a little more proud of me, as a daughter, as a mother and as a person. Every single day I ask myself how you would handle certain parenting challenges, and every day I model my parenting after how you have parented (and are parenting) me. Everyday I appreciate and cherish the wonderful mother-daughter relationship we have together. Yes, everyday is mother's day.
Dear Marlene,
Thank you for being such a great mom. Thank you for being you: caring, empathetic, loving, selfless, supportive and ever-giving. Thank you for raising a wonderful son who shares those qualities. Thank you for your love and support. You welcomed me into your family with open arms. Thank you for your friendship. I hope and pray I can be as good of a mom to my children, as you are to yours.
Dear David,
Happy mother's day to you! Yes, mother's day! It is because of you that I am a mother, so, THANK YOU! I had always wanted to have children, always knew I would have children, but never imagined it could be as wonderful as it is, and I know that is because you are the father of our children. You love, support, comfort and encourage me and it is because of you that I can be the mother that I am to our children. I love and respect you more each and everyday. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful that we met, fell in love, married, and started a family. You are a wonderful father and together, we make an amazing parenting team. Thank you for everything. BEAR!
To all my wonderful readers - I hope you had a wonderful and very special mother's day...I know I sure did!!!!
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
February 6, 2009 - 10:32 PM
My dear sweet Madigan,Today you turned two.
After one last hug and birthday wish you toddled off to bed.
Once you were asleep, I tip-toed into your room. I stood over your crib and watched you sleep.
I was filled with pride, love, appreciation, gratitude and awe. You are a wonderful, fun-loving, caring, giggle-filled, stubborn little girl. I love you with every fiber of my being.
Today you turned two. You are not a baby any more. You are growing into a confident, happy, dynamic child - oh, did I mention you are also very stubborn?
You are my little girl. That is a very special bond.
You are my youngest. That is a very special bond.
As I stood over you, watching you sleep you took in a deep breath, sighed, then giggled. I leaned closer to you. I took a deep breath and held it, closing my eyes. My heart expanding.
Madigan, I hope that you always know and realize how much you are loved. I hope and pray that our relationship grows strong and solid and that it withstands any challenges we may face as mother and daughter. I hope that you continue to have a wonderful relationship with each of your brothers and that your eyes always sparkle when Daddy walks into the room.
May your love of life and your desire for adventure and discovery only grow. May you mature into a confident, strong-willed, even tempered, young lady. May all your dreams come true and all your hard work be recognized.
Madigan, I hope and pray that you one day experience the joy, wonder and beauty of being a the person you were meant to be and the person you want to be.
I love you my little princess - with all my heart. Happy birthday, and sweet dreams.
Love and kisses,
Mommy
Monday, January 26, 2009
BFF Coming Home!
I call my BFF every day. We chat about everything and anything.
My kids. Her kids. My hubby. Her hubby. My life. Her life. My friends. Her Friends. Our friends. The weather. Yoga. Diets. Daily struggles. Daily victories. The important stuff. The not so important stuff. We talk about it all.
I really enjoy our daily chats - in fact some times we chat a few times a day. We are never at a loss for words.
My BBF has been away for three weeks. Cruising the Mediterranean. (You bet, I'm jealous!)
I am very glad she is coming home today. I miss her.
My kids. Her kids. My hubby. Her hubby. My life. Her life. My friends. Her Friends. Our friends. The weather. Yoga. Diets. Daily struggles. Daily victories. The important stuff. The not so important stuff. We talk about it all.
I really enjoy our daily chats - in fact some times we chat a few times a day. We are never at a loss for words.
My BBF has been away for three weeks. Cruising the Mediterranean. (You bet, I'm jealous!)
I am very glad she is coming home today. I miss her.
Hope you had a great trip Mom (& Dad) - cannot wait to hear all about it and see all your photos!
*** In case you are all wondering, yes, I also consider "Mu-Dad" a BFF...and I am certainly a Daddy's little girl!!!! And, yes, I miss him too!
Monday, December 29, 2008
A tsunami of emotion
I have not felt much like blogging lately.
At first I thought it was because a silly incident that happened at Christmas... but then thought back to this week, four years ago. And I immediately realized why my heart was heavy, my words few, my mood sour and my eyes teary.
Four years ago 11 Indian Ocean countries were hit by a catastrophic tsunami. So many lives were lost. Such destruction, lost and peril. My heart goes out to everyone impacted by that powerful, destructive force of nature.
In the hours after the tsunami hit, I too was hit by my own personal tsunami. A tsunami of emotion.
Anderson was only a few weeks old. I had taken to sleeping in his nursery for night feedings. It is amazing how comfortable and wonderful I felt, nestled in with my second baby. I was happy.
Unlike with DJ, breast feeding came naturally. Ander and I quickly became pros at a skill that eluded me with DJ. For that, I was so happy and content.
Life was easy. I slept when baby Anderson slept, woke with him, fed him, changed him, cradled him. Repeat. David and my parents took care of everything else.
During one late night feeding I turned on the radio. Coverage of the tsunami was in full swing.
I sat, staring at the radio. Stunned at what I was hearing. My heart breaking for everyone involved or touched by this disaster.
I looked down at my little boy. So sweet. So innocent. I could not help but smile through my tears. I thanked God my family was safe. I hugged my little boy and drifted off to sleep with him at my breast.
Little did I know that I would soon be hit by my own tsunami. A tidal wave of emotion that would leave me crippled, injured and scared forever.
A few hours later Anderson awoke again, looking for boobie and comfort.
While I fed him I listened to the radio. The CBC was now speaking to survivors and the stories were heart wrenching. Every single one of them.
One in particular tore my heart. It was an interview with a woman from Australia. She had been on the beach with her 3 month old baby and her 30 month old son when the wave hit. She frantically struggled to hold onto her two young children. She spoke of how strangers attempted to grab her and her children - to rescue them. But, the tide was too strong and they were being pulled out further and further. She fought hard - trying to keep her babies above water.
She soon realized that without the ability to tread water, she and her babies would perish.
She had to make a choice.
Both her arms were wrapped around her children. She was frantic.
She had to make a choice.
At this point in the interview, the traumatized mother was sobbing and frantic. The interviewer was sobbing. I was sobbing.
I turned off the radio.
I looked into my sweet baby's face and drifted off to sleep.
Just 19 days earlier, I had become a mother for the second time. I now had newborn and a 12 month old. I was now responsible for two of God's children. Two. Like that Australian mother in Thailand. That mother who in split second, had to make a choice.
My exhausted body slept, but my dreams haunted me.
What if I had to make a choice? How could I make a choice. Would I make a choice? What would be my choice? What if I had to make a choice?
My dreams turned into nightmares of house fires and only having the ability to save one of my precious children. What would I choose to do? My dreams turned to nightmares of car accidents, and only having the ability of saving one of my sweet babies. My dreams turned to nightmares of illnesses and plagues - and me having to make a choice.
The next morning, my waking hours became my worse nightmares.
I became crippled with fear, anxiety and worry. I could not stop thinking of that woman from Australia, who had to make a choice.
I was hit by a tsunami of emotion. I became crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
At first I could hide it from everyone.
A few deep breaths before driving the car. A shake of my head to expel the demons would work.
Then, I began to unravel. I could not sleep. I could not focus. I could not cope.
I began to question my ability to be a good parent. I started to plan escape routes. I took to analyzing every day events for dangers. Risk was every where. At any moment, I might be called to make a choice. To make a decision. The decision.
Crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
Once when I was driving to playgroup I came to a stoplight. I stopped and waited for the light to change.
Before the light could change from red to green I became crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
The light turned green. I stared at the steering wheel. Unable to put my foot on the gas. The car behind me honked. I turned around. It was a burgundy Malibu. While turned, I looked down at my babies in the back seat. Secure in their car seats. I turned to face the front, hands gripping the steering wheel. What if. What if I did drive through that intersection and a car came through the intersection at the same time and was about to hit us. How could I save both my children? How could I angle our vehicle so that I took the brunt of the impact. What if only one of my babies would survive? What if I had to choose? What if I had to decide?
Crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
The turned red. I was safe. Then it turned green again.
I thank God for the police car that just happened to pull up beside me. I am certain the police officer could tell something was not right.
Cars honked. The light turned red again. I was safe.
The police officer got out of her car. Motioned for me to roll down my window.
Tears streaming down my face, all I mumbled was, " I cannot decide. I cannot choose. Please help me."
Crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
The police officer guided my out of my car. Walked me to a nearby plaza parking lot.
We called my husband.
I calmed down. To this day, I do not really remember what happened next. But my husband comforted me. He assured me. He loved me. He encouraged me.
Slowly, I drove home.
Slowly, I took control.
Slowly, the tides of emotion starting to reverse.
With love and support from family and friends, and medical help I survived a tsunami that is also called post partum anxiety. And while, the love and support I received from family and friends - along with medical help - helped me to deal, cope and conquer my demons, four years later I still struggle to understand the power and destruction a tsunami can pack.
My heart goes out to everyone impacted by the actual tsunami that hit Thailand and surrounding areas. By no means does this post make light of that situation. But at the same time, during this time of remembrance, I also think of all new parents who may be facing their own personal tsunami. I pray and hope they too can survive, like I did.
At first I thought it was because a silly incident that happened at Christmas... but then thought back to this week, four years ago. And I immediately realized why my heart was heavy, my words few, my mood sour and my eyes teary.
Four years ago 11 Indian Ocean countries were hit by a catastrophic tsunami. So many lives were lost. Such destruction, lost and peril. My heart goes out to everyone impacted by that powerful, destructive force of nature.
In the hours after the tsunami hit, I too was hit by my own personal tsunami. A tsunami of emotion.
Anderson was only a few weeks old. I had taken to sleeping in his nursery for night feedings. It is amazing how comfortable and wonderful I felt, nestled in with my second baby. I was happy.
Unlike with DJ, breast feeding came naturally. Ander and I quickly became pros at a skill that eluded me with DJ. For that, I was so happy and content.
Life was easy. I slept when baby Anderson slept, woke with him, fed him, changed him, cradled him. Repeat. David and my parents took care of everything else.
During one late night feeding I turned on the radio. Coverage of the tsunami was in full swing.
I sat, staring at the radio. Stunned at what I was hearing. My heart breaking for everyone involved or touched by this disaster.
I looked down at my little boy. So sweet. So innocent. I could not help but smile through my tears. I thanked God my family was safe. I hugged my little boy and drifted off to sleep with him at my breast.
Little did I know that I would soon be hit by my own tsunami. A tidal wave of emotion that would leave me crippled, injured and scared forever.
A few hours later Anderson awoke again, looking for boobie and comfort.
While I fed him I listened to the radio. The CBC was now speaking to survivors and the stories were heart wrenching. Every single one of them.
One in particular tore my heart. It was an interview with a woman from Australia. She had been on the beach with her 3 month old baby and her 30 month old son when the wave hit. She frantically struggled to hold onto her two young children. She spoke of how strangers attempted to grab her and her children - to rescue them. But, the tide was too strong and they were being pulled out further and further. She fought hard - trying to keep her babies above water.
She soon realized that without the ability to tread water, she and her babies would perish.
She had to make a choice.
Both her arms were wrapped around her children. She was frantic.
She had to make a choice.
At this point in the interview, the traumatized mother was sobbing and frantic. The interviewer was sobbing. I was sobbing.
I turned off the radio.
I looked into my sweet baby's face and drifted off to sleep.
Just 19 days earlier, I had become a mother for the second time. I now had newborn and a 12 month old. I was now responsible for two of God's children. Two. Like that Australian mother in Thailand. That mother who in split second, had to make a choice.
My exhausted body slept, but my dreams haunted me.
What if I had to make a choice? How could I make a choice. Would I make a choice? What would be my choice? What if I had to make a choice?
My dreams turned into nightmares of house fires and only having the ability to save one of my precious children. What would I choose to do? My dreams turned to nightmares of car accidents, and only having the ability of saving one of my sweet babies. My dreams turned to nightmares of illnesses and plagues - and me having to make a choice.
The next morning, my waking hours became my worse nightmares.
I became crippled with fear, anxiety and worry. I could not stop thinking of that woman from Australia, who had to make a choice.
I was hit by a tsunami of emotion. I became crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
At first I could hide it from everyone.
A few deep breaths before driving the car. A shake of my head to expel the demons would work.
Then, I began to unravel. I could not sleep. I could not focus. I could not cope.
I began to question my ability to be a good parent. I started to plan escape routes. I took to analyzing every day events for dangers. Risk was every where. At any moment, I might be called to make a choice. To make a decision. The decision.
Crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
Once when I was driving to playgroup I came to a stoplight. I stopped and waited for the light to change.
Before the light could change from red to green I became crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
The light turned green. I stared at the steering wheel. Unable to put my foot on the gas. The car behind me honked. I turned around. It was a burgundy Malibu. While turned, I looked down at my babies in the back seat. Secure in their car seats. I turned to face the front, hands gripping the steering wheel. What if. What if I did drive through that intersection and a car came through the intersection at the same time and was about to hit us. How could I save both my children? How could I angle our vehicle so that I took the brunt of the impact. What if only one of my babies would survive? What if I had to choose? What if I had to decide?
Crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
The turned red. I was safe. Then it turned green again.
I thank God for the police car that just happened to pull up beside me. I am certain the police officer could tell something was not right.
Cars honked. The light turned red again. I was safe.
The police officer got out of her car. Motioned for me to roll down my window.
Tears streaming down my face, all I mumbled was, " I cannot decide. I cannot choose. Please help me."
Crippled by indecisiveness. Smothered with fear. Overwhelmed with anxiety.
The police officer guided my out of my car. Walked me to a nearby plaza parking lot.
We called my husband.
I calmed down. To this day, I do not really remember what happened next. But my husband comforted me. He assured me. He loved me. He encouraged me.
Slowly, I drove home.
Slowly, I took control.
Slowly, the tides of emotion starting to reverse.
With love and support from family and friends, and medical help I survived a tsunami that is also called post partum anxiety. And while, the love and support I received from family and friends - along with medical help - helped me to deal, cope and conquer my demons, four years later I still struggle to understand the power and destruction a tsunami can pack.
My heart goes out to everyone impacted by the actual tsunami that hit Thailand and surrounding areas. By no means does this post make light of that situation. But at the same time, during this time of remembrance, I also think of all new parents who may be facing their own personal tsunami. I pray and hope they too can survive, like I did.
Friday, November 14, 2008
A long week in perspective
This has been a L--O--N--G week. The kids have really been testing my patience. They have been a bit out of control - and my house, my hair standing on end and my nervous twitch all prove it. If the boys were not beating the snot out of each other, the little girl was throwing a temper tantrum. If one child was not crying, then one was screaming or the other screeching. If they were not destroying a room in the house, then they were flooding the bathroom. If anyone liked the lunch I made, it was a miracle. If just one of the three went to bed with no issues, it was considered a success. If hubby and I made it to 2AM with no little people taking over the bed, it was heavenly. Oh, I have lost count of the number of crazy times in our house this week. It has been a L--O--N--G week.
Then, as I was wallowing in my sorrow, thinking I have it so rough, I saw this video...and everything was put into perspective. Everything.
Today is a professional development day - no school - so, with a new attitude, and after putting everything into perspective - I am going to make Friday a fun day - the best day of a really crappy week!
Then, as I was wallowing in my sorrow, thinking I have it so rough, I saw this video...and everything was put into perspective. Everything.
Today is a professional development day - no school - so, with a new attitude, and after putting everything into perspective - I am going to make Friday a fun day - the best day of a really crappy week!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
45 out of the last 56 months!
Madigan at 2 months old breast feeding just a few hours after her surgery.
Anywhere and everywhere - on a boat/bus tour in August 2007.
Madigan is introduced to solids...she loved it!
Yummy first birthday cake times two!
July 2008 - sitting at the table eating macaroni
You can do it Madie...look at you... you're a big girl!
Eating food with a spoon all by yourself...no need for boobie my Darling...no need for boobie...please, for Mommy, for Mommy who for 45 months out of the last 56 months has had a baby or a machine gnawing on her boobies...please...no more boobie....only big girl food and drink from now on...and no boobie. OK????
I vowed that I would breast feed as long as possible. With DJ we had tons of issues, so I pumped. I pumped for 9 months and DJ had breast milk for the first 15 months of his life. Anderson breast fed like a champ, right form the beginning. At a year, he slowly started weaning himself and at about 15 months was practically done. Madigan is almost 18 months and she still loves to snuggle and breast feed - mainly before her nap or when she is upset.
I have always stated that I would not breast feed when the child could verbally ask to be breast fed. Well, for about a month now my baby-girl has been coming up to me and saying, "boobie peeze". But I keep letting her. My mother says it is because I do not want my baby to grow up and that I am encouraging it. She also says that it is more me than Madigan who wants to breast feed - especially since Madigan is our last child.
While I see nothing wrong about breast feeding as long as possible and I applaud mothers who continue into the toddler years...but my boobies are ready to become mine now...after 56 months, I want them back! No more boobie, peeze!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Asleep on the Job!
Well, I have almost made it through my first week back to work. I am surviving the 3am alarm. I am getting to work on time. Getting home in time for David to get to work on time. Then spending the day with my three little ones. We have kept up with all our swim lessons, playgroups and activities. Though, I must admit, it is a long day. I get up at 3am, work till 8am, look after the kids till 630pm and in bed by 8pm, asleep by 9pm. All, in all, the new routine is working....well, there was one little incident at Canadian Tire.
I dropped the boys off at playschool and the baby girl and I ran to Canadian Tire to get a few things. The main reason for the trip was to get some house keys cut. Well, the customer service was pretty crappy. I ended up waiting along side a very nice gentleman looking for a specific piece to fix his toilet and saw the clearance paint section next to the key cutting machine. We struck up a conversation. Chatted about the bitter cold weather, the Ottawa Senators, paint colours, all kinds of little chit chat things. Finally my keys were ready. I tossed them into the cart and bid farewell to my new friend, grabbed the shopping cart and started to make my way to the cash. When, I hear, " ummmmm, you took my cart...here is your cart....with your daughter in it!"
Yep....mother of the year, I am not!
I dropped the boys off at playschool and the baby girl and I ran to Canadian Tire to get a few things. The main reason for the trip was to get some house keys cut. Well, the customer service was pretty crappy. I ended up waiting along side a very nice gentleman looking for a specific piece to fix his toilet and saw the clearance paint section next to the key cutting machine. We struck up a conversation. Chatted about the bitter cold weather, the Ottawa Senators, paint colours, all kinds of little chit chat things. Finally my keys were ready. I tossed them into the cart and bid farewell to my new friend, grabbed the shopping cart and started to make my way to the cash. When, I hear, " ummmmm, you took my cart...here is your cart....with your daughter in it!"
Yep....mother of the year, I am not!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Movie Review
Sunday morning DJ and I spent some quality time together. We went to see a movie together. We had a fabulous time.
While we were in the same room...we each saw a totally different movie - Let me explain.
Sunday was Bus Safety Day for our school system. Since DJ will be starting Junior Kindergarten in a few weeks, he got to attend an information morning. We registered and filed into a classroom. The lights went out and a fun little movie with Winnie The Pooh and friends came on.
DJ sat spell-bound - mesmerized as Pooh and friends went over the 8 rules of bus safety. Eyes fixed on the screen he nodded in agreement, giggled on cue and even objected to Tiger breaking one of the rules. During the credits he was all smiles - grateful that Pooh and his friends safely rode the bus to and from school.
Standing only a few feet away - the film I saw was quite different. And as the credits rolled, I wiped away a tear - grateful for the gift of being a mom and sharing in my son's life as he grows up.
Here is a snippet of the very personal movie I saw at Bus Safety Day.
While we were in the same room...we each saw a totally different movie - Let me explain.
Sunday was Bus Safety Day for our school system. Since DJ will be starting Junior Kindergarten in a few weeks, he got to attend an information morning. We registered and filed into a classroom. The lights went out and a fun little movie with Winnie The Pooh and friends came on.
DJ sat spell-bound - mesmerized as Pooh and friends went over the 8 rules of bus safety. Eyes fixed on the screen he nodded in agreement, giggled on cue and even objected to Tiger breaking one of the rules. During the credits he was all smiles - grateful that Pooh and his friends safely rode the bus to and from school.
Standing only a few feet away - the film I saw was quite different. And as the credits rolled, I wiped away a tear - grateful for the gift of being a mom and sharing in my son's life as he grows up.
Here is a snippet of the very personal movie I saw at Bus Safety Day.
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