But, apparently

My mom is battling stage three throat cancer.

She just completed round one of her radiation and chemotherapy.

During the last 7 weeks I have felt a bit inadequate: I am struggling with how best to offer my love, support and help during this challenging, difficult, scary time.

I want to do more than I am doing for her - she means the world to me!

But,

I am not a nurse, caregiver, nutritionist or orderly.

I am not a scientist, pharmacist, or medical engineer.

I am not technician, radiologist, nor am I a doctor, or an oncologist.

But, apparently,

I am beginning to fancy myself a runner.

Tomorrow, I am running in the Ottawa Hospital 10k RATTLE ME BONES race.

(and though it is not much, it makes me feel like I can help in my mother's care.)

Wish me luck!

(Thank you Ottawa Hospital for taking such great care of my mom!)

HEY MOM, Love you - Hate cancer!

Ready! Set! Go Gobble Gobble!

A few weeks into the school year I got a phone call from DJ's school. Apparently, every second nutrition break he was hanging out with a bunch of grade 3-6 students. DJ would race out of the Grade 1 door and head over to the far corner of the track. The grade 5 teacher called to tell me of DJ's fascination with this crowd.

Apparently, every day, DJ has been leaving his peers and joining in the grade3-6 track team practices.

The coach told me that he does not want to discourage DJr, but that he wanted to make sure my future track star understood he was too young to participate in the upcoming track team competition.

That afternoon, I sat DJ down and asked him about his track aspirations.

He was so cute. At first he thought he was in trouble. Then, I think I figured he was going to be banned from the team practices.

He smiled innocently at me and simply said he liked running with the big kids. It was good exercise and making him strong and healthy.

I congratulated him on his commitment and hard work. Then I gently explained how he could not compete with the school team...not yet.

He smiled. Nodded in agreement. Gave me a big hug and said, " That's ok mommy. I do not run for them. I run for me, cause I like it...and um, I run for you."

"You run for mommy?"

"Well mommy, I like it when you race and I want to race like you. But really, I just want to run with you when I get big and when I get better at running. Mommy, you go to your running class to learn to run - and I go to the running team to learn to run and maybe one day we can run together. I would really like that. Mommy, running makes you happy and running makes me happy and I like being happy with you!"

WOW. WHAM!

It really hit me how my transformation from being overweight, inactive and unhealthy has impacted my children.

My children see how I now take time for myself, and that physical exercise, working out, and taking care of myself makes me happy. Heck, it makes me happy, content, proud and at peace.

They see the benefits to leading an active lifestyle. Both the physical ones, and the emotional ones.

I am committed to keeping up with my new routines of working out, eating properly and taking care of myself. I am committed to being a positive role model for my three children.

So, this past weekend we all ran together. We entered the The Fall Colours Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot race.

And everything about it made me happy.

Pre-race photo!

Ready....Set....Go!

And we are off!!!!

I love this photo of the boys! DJ's facial expression is priceless!

DJ loved the experience. He was awesome!

Click HERE for more photos of DJ giving it his all!

Anderson was excited...and then got a little whiny ...but soon got his second win and finished on a high note!

Click HERE for more photos of Anderson.

Little Madigan ran the ENTIRE 1km on her own. She was so determined. When people cheered for her she would stop and clap! It was hilarious! This photo so captures her race with me loudly cheering her on every step of the race!

Her photos from the race are great! I love the one with her running and a man running behind her with his screaming child! Priceless! Click HERE to see all Madigan`s professional shots!

Here we are after the race. The kids were super proud of their t-shirts, their bibs and especially their medals.

I was just proud of them...and very thankful.

Happy be-lated thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadian bloggers!

To worry a little less...

Can you believe it is now October? WOW! Time is flying.

I cannot believe that DJ has completed the first month of grade one! Honestly, I had been worried - oh, I wasn't worried he could not do it or that he would struggle - I knew deep down that he would do great! But, just the same, I worried.

I worried he would tire through the long, full day.

- He does come home a little tired, but seems to have adjusted to the full day quite easily.

Still, I worry.

I worried he would not like his teachers.

- Not only does he adore them all, but so do I!!!!

Still, I worry.

I was worried he would join the gang of trouble makers (they were identified in Junior Kindergarten...and well, they sure had an impact on DJ).

- Yes, he still considers one little (trouble-maker) boy his "best friend", but the teacher keeps the "4-Musketeers" separated and DJ is making new friends.

Still, I worry.

I was worried that he would struggle with the work load.

- Yes, DJ is a bit challenged with writing and fine-motor skills, but he is continually improving and not only have we, but also his teachers have seen a huge improvement. He has brought home more work and art in the last 15 school days than he did in ALL of J-K and S-K!!!!

Still, I worry.

I was worried DJ would be alone at recess.

Nope, he tells me wonderful stories of the fun he had during second recess with an ever-growing collection of names. First recess? Well, he has joined the school track team! The grade 3-6 track team practices every day, and well, my little grade 1 is the most eager of them all. The coach contacted me and is very supportive of DJ practicing with the team. In fact, I have registered him into a race in 2 weeks! He loves it!

Still, I worry.

Every Friday DJ comes home with his weekly portfolio. It is filled with work sheets, art work, exercises and notes. Every Friday I carefully examine each piece with great pride.

Still, I worry.

Then, this afternoon, I found this piece of work.

A smile came upon my face, from ear-to-ear.

A tear gathered in my eye and ran down my cheek.

My heart swelled with love, pride and wonder.

And I decided to try and worry a little less...

WW - Say cheese!

Today's Wordless Wednesday is actually also a Wordful Wednesday post.

While the photos I am going to post all speak for themselves - a young family, travelling across Canada on summer vacation - having the best time ever - they do not express my gratitude and pride.

So far, we have taken approximately 140 photos and I am in many of them. In fact, I volunteer to be in many and throw the camera at hubby so that he can capture a special moment. This is a HUGE shift in attitude. Before loosing my weight I shied away from the camera. So much so, that there are months, and many special occasions that you would be hard-pressed to find a photo of me.

People always ask me to post before and after photos - and the truth is that I have very few photos of me - especially in the last year or so. I was ashamed of how I looked. I protected myself by being the one taking all the photos. Never posing.

Now, as I upload our adventure vacation photos, I am so very happy. Now, I am part of the memory. I am not just behind the camera. I am in the action!

Now my kids will have photos of me. Photos of mommy smiling. Confident. Joking around. Enjoying life. Playing with them. Goofing off for the camera. Relaxing. Happy.

We will all have fun memories captured of a family trip that we all went on together - that we all enjoyed. Images of their mother are captured forever, not only in photos, but also in their hearts.





















For more Wordless Wednesday entries click HERE!

Or if you prefer Wordful Wednesdays, click HERE!

Lessons in true love

Everyday, through your actions and by witnessing your love for each other, I learn and appreciate what having a strong marriage is all about.

Seeing how you love, cherish and respect each other has helped me form my ideals and attitudes towards marriage.

Thank you for being such wonderful role models!

Happy anniversary Mom and Dad!

August 2002 - This photo was taken moments before I walked walked down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams.

Country Crooner for CHEO

I am the mother of two beautiful "CHEO" children.

We are very fortunate to have the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario in Ottawa.

This amazing and wonderful hospital saved my eldest and my youngest children's lives. We will forever be grateful for the care and medial attention we got for both our children.

DJ had emergency surgery at 10 days old. We almost lost him. Multiple times. We still have yearly heart tests and specialist appointments.

Madigan was diagnosed with a sizable tumor even before she was born. She had surgery when she was 3 months old.

Today, at 3pm (est) we are participating in a local country station radio-a-thon. You can listen to our story online at http://www.y101.fm/index2.jsp

Even more importantly, please consider donating and helping CHEO help our children.

Telling time

I have to be at work at 3AM.

I usually wake up around 2:30AM and make a mad dash to the office.

I usually wake up on my own, before the alarm.

This morning I woke up, glanced at the clock: 2:28AM.

2 minutes before the alarm.

I gently asked David to turn off the alarm.

I got up.

I showered.

I did my hair.

I got dressed.

I grabbed my coat.

I glanced at the clock: 12:42AM.

12:42AM.

Damit! I misread the clock!

Back to bed for less than 2 hours, and then off to work I went.

Yep. It is going to be a long, long, long day!

Just call me LOSER LAURA!!!!

Yawn.

Dear Kettle BBQ Chips,

I friggin' HATE you...well, actually, you are yummy good...and, well, there in lays the problem.

Well, at least you are all gone - and so are my Weight Watchers points for the next four days!


It is now after 9PM, I have to get up at early and be at work by 3AM...the Junos are on and I would like to watch them...but, well, my bed calls. I had a FABULOUS weekend and cannot wait to share it all with you.

Nighty-night!

Five Exotic Foods to Try!

When visiting foreign or exotic locations, I recommend trying some of the local fare. This has always been my philosophy when traveling.

I remember back in 1999 I was travelling through Africa. What a wonderful trip! (yesterday's post got me thinking of that life-altering adventure!)

Usually we were camping, and would go to the local market and get our food items and our cook would help us cook traditional or regional dishes over the camp fire. When we did go into restaurants, I was amazed at how often the other in my group would order "familiar" foods. Locals knew this and would usually offer a few options that they tried to pass off as British fare, North American inspired, or whatever.

When I ate in a restaurant, I would usually review the menu and then ask the server/cook/guy at the table next to me what they would suggest. I would strike up a conversation and find out what the locals usually ate. I would ask them to make me something - anything - they would make and eat. Well, let me tell you - very rarely was I ever disappointed. Plus, amazing conversations were initiated and I had the time of my life. And while my co-travellers paid top dollar ($3-$5) for their dish, I usually got a huge ethnic meal for $1.00!

One day on Prison Island - just off the coast of Zanzibar - a small group I was with stopped for lunch. It was pouring rain and there was but one building on the island - and it offered a few plates. The three gals with me immediately decided to have the chips and eggs. All three were from the UK and all three were so happy to have some "home-style" food.

I scanned the menu. Then asked the waiter for item # 2 - nope, he had no meat and the water was too rough to go to the main land. I then thought maybe item #4 - nope, all out. He suggested the Chips and Eggs!!!!

I then told the server to have the cook surprise me. He left, a bit confused. I heard him chatting in the kitchen, then he returned, he asked me if I liked fish. I replied yes. So he disappeared again. A very heated discussion went on for a few moments behind the closed door.

The door swung open.

Out came a little boy - no older than 7 or 8. He was carrying a spear and was dressed in a pair of "gauchies". He growled at me and then stomped off into the pouring rain towards the shore line.

Five minutes later he stomped back - waved his spear at me in an angry gester. Three very colourful fish wiggled by my face. The boy huffed off, dripping wet.

About 10 minutes later the server/owner/cook/father came out. My friends had very greasy, soggy potatoes with a scrambled egg on top. They were not impressed with the look, taste or smell.

I, in comparison, had one of the best meals of my life. Oh, my plate was piled high with some sort of rice/grain and vegetables and fruit - and three lovey seared fish. I thanked the man and then invited him and his son to come share my feast.

We all became fast friends - even the little guy warmed up to me! (perhaps my peace off of my baseball cap coaed him a bit!) Through broken English, gestures, grunts and pointing, we had a wonderful conversation. And the food was amazing!

Anyways - I just thought today's topic would be the joys of trying new food!

So, that said, if you ever come to The Fringe, be sure to ask to have our own domestic fare.

Here are a few Fringe domestic favorites:

1) Anway Ice Ilk

Translation: Anderson's Rice Milk

This is a new favorite for Madigan and she seems to prefer it to regular cow's milk an can tell the difference when you try to fool her!

2) Long S'getti

Translation: Spaghetti
DJ would eat this dish every day if he could. He especially likes it when meat balls form happy faces or if there is about a pound of shrimp mixed into the sauce!

3) Crappy Dinner

Translation: Kraft Dinner
All three kids love this staple. To get fancy we sometimes add cut up hot dogs or chopped up spinach and frozen veggies or even a can of tuna or a can of baked beans. It is best received when a huge happy face made out of ketchup is present!


4) Naked Bagels
Translation: Blueberry bagel with nothing on it
This is Anderson's breakfast food of choice. Some mornings, he does ask to have it "cooked". Other mornings he wants a "Daddy Bagel" which is a blueberry bagel toasted with Strawberry Lite Cream Cheese or a "Kid's bagel" which is a raisin and cinnamon bagel toasted with regular cream cheese.

5) Raisin Brown

Translation: Raisin Bran Cereal
Every morning DJ and Daddy sit down to a heaping bowl of Raisin Brown - there are two scoops of raisins in every box, don't cha know!

So, what foods do you eat in your neck of the woods??????

Quick Weight Update: At my weigh in last night I was down another 2.5 pounds. So, on Weight Watchers I have lost 5.5 pounds - bringing my total loss to 72.5 pounds. YIPPEEE!

I am really enjoying WW. The short, informative meetings are so much better than the Weight Management Program meetings. And what is more, I find the program easier to follow - and a lot more "guilt-free".

With my old program there was no where to indulge - and as an emotional eater, I would feel guilty when I did not follow the calorie count exactly and that would lead to emotional eating which would lead to more emotional eating. Now, I seem to be having a few more treats, but I am careful to work them into my eating pattern and there is no long-lingering guilt. What's more, is that I continue to loose weight. And in the end, feeling good physically, emotionally and mentally while loosing weight is the best way to keep committed and focused.

OK - enough talk of food, yummy, sinful or exotic...it is now lunch time and I have three hungry little people to feed!!!

Green Pancakes

After a heated game of Junior Monopoly, I compared DJ to Donald Trump. Well, that comparison still rings true!

Today was the annual Scout Pack 144 Pancake Breakfast. It is a big fundraiser - and lots of fun. There is an amazing silent auction (fingers crossed I won at least one of the items I bid on!) and lots of pancakes, syrup and laughter.

Tickets are $3.00 a single or $10.00 a family.

DJ volunteered to help. He was very proud to be asked to be a server.

Oh! How my heart melted as he approached a group of senior ladies and said, "Hello. I'm DJ. I am a Beaver. How many pancakes would you like?"

One of the ladies asked for two pancakes. So, off DJ went to the kitchen. He returned clutching a plate with two pancakes. He then asked the other lady how many pancakes she would like to eat. "Surprise me!", was her reply.

DJ looked perplexed. So, the kind blue-haired lady leaned over and said, "You decide how many I should have. Surprise me! Here is my ticket."

DJ took two steps back. leaned over to me and whispered, "She wants me to decide, Mommy! I get to decide!!!!" He was now visually excited.

I noticed the pancake line was long, and did not want DJ getting side-tracked, so I joined him in the wait to place his "surprise order".

DJ looked up at me grinning! He was all excited.

We got to the front of the line and his Leader asked, "How many pancakes do you need, DJ?"

DJ looked at me and smiled and said, "I would like one small pancake please."

What? One? I smiled and said to DJ, " Honey, I am sure that nice lady wants more than one small pancake. She asked you to surprise her - you should maybe get 2 or 3 pancakes for her."

"No Mommy. I want to surprise her with one small pancake. She sure will be surprised when one pancake does not fill her up and she has to buy another pancake ticket...then Beavers will make lots of money!"

CHA-CHING! I could see the dollar signs in DJ's eyes.

I straightened out DJ's hat and kindly said, " DJr, it is all you can eat, if you only give her one, then you will just have to get her some more later....for free."

DJ, with his beautiful grey-blue eyes looked up at me and with a thick air of innocence and disgust asks, "How the heck do you make money like that?!?!?!?!??!"

Yep, I think I have a little entrepreneur on my hands!

When did David know I was the one?

The photos I posted the other day were taken in June of 2002. I love those photos - no matter how embarrassing or hilarious they are to others. To me, they represent love, and I think of that evening back in June every Valentine's day!

I was looking forward to our dinner out. David, my fiance, and I were meeting up with one of my dear bride's maids and her boyfriend for dinner. It did not seem odd that they had agreed to go to an expensive fish restaurant - even though Cara hates fish! It did not seem odd that a group of kids were hiding behind the bushes and giggling. It did not seem odd when David stopped just before Cara's apartment and turned me around and planted a wonderful kiss. Nope, it all seemed perfectly normal.

Till I knocked on the apartment door.

Cara certainly was not dressed appropriately for the restaurant, for starters.

And secondly, her apartment was over crowded with all our mutual soccer friends.

A surprise bachelorette party for yours truly.

Ok. So that explains the huge pen*s and my get up! And, yes, the drinking. But how does that relate back to Valentine's day or true love.

Like all totally awesome bachelorette parties, mine involved a few drinking games. One in particular is dear to my heart.

Cara had cornered David at work and drilled him with a million questions. She asked him tons of questions about his likes, dislikes, our relationship, his childhood - no topic was off limits.

From that interrogation she compiled a long list of questions to ask me. The idea was to see how much I knew of my true love...and how much I did not!

If I got the answer wrong, I had to take a shot - or at least what my friend Lynn thought was a shot - which was more like 3-5 ounces of really terrible "girlie" liquor!

At the beginning I did pretty well. More right than wrong...then I was asked, " What was the name of David's first dog?"

CRAP. CRAPPITY CRAP.... Princess? Queenie? I knew it was something "royal".....

DRINK UP! The right answer is Duchess!

For a bunch of questions I was so close, but yet so far...what a slippery slope...soon I was really feeling the effects of my wrong answers. Like my father always says, close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades!

Oh, I got David's favorite colour, his favorite restaurant, what we did on our first and third date right, there were some doozies...some challenging, some easy, then came the big question:

When did David know you were the one?

Hmmmmmmm.....When did David know I was the one? hmmmmm...when???

I knew for me, it was after our FIRST date that I gushed to my girlfriends I just knew he was the one....could he have known that early???

No. Probably not. OH! Could it have been at this time? That would make sense...

Yep. That had to be it...so, I confirmed, that was my final answer.

I held my breath...

Cara yelped a big, "Nope - it was when your ski broke, or something like that..." and Lynn poured me another drink to chug!

I accepted defeat, and slugged back my "punishment" and started to reminisce about the night my ski broke... even in my drunken state, I could remember it perfectly!

David knew I was the one when one cold February night we went downhill skiing. I was not a skier - had not been for years. So, I dusted off my 10 year old skis I had lugged to Ottawa when I first moved to the area, but had never used. And, hoped for the best. David had suggested I rent newer skis - but I insisted mine were perfectly fine.

I had great fun. I stayed mostly on the smaller hills and slowly started to get the hang of it. So midway through the evening, the bunch of us decided to go to a more challenging hill.

During the chairlift ride David and I held hands. I was loving it all!

We did the top half of the slope. Met up, and then continued down the hill. All was going great.

I zipped passed David and then he zipped past me.

David finished the run before me and waited at the chairlift line.

And waited.

And waited.

He got a bit nervous, and started to make his way back to the ski run. He turned the bend, and little did he know that the next 5 minutes would change his life forever!

There I was, walking down the hill, carrying my skis!! And boy, was I giggling!

When we met up - I burst out laughing and gave him a big hug. He looked so concerned and worried.

You see, my ancient binding had exploded...yep, exploded.

I was in the middle of making a turn when I heard a strange noise and then I saw my ski take off down the hill...without me!

I went tumbling down the hill!

After getting up, dusting myself off, I could not stop giggling...I picked up all my equipment (I would later learn that it is called a yard sale wipe out when you loose your equipment all over the hill in a spill!)

With skis in hand, I walked down the rest of the hill. Laughing.

All I could think about was, "Wow, this is sure going to impress David! NOT! Hope he asks me out again, but I will have to buy new skis!"

Once he confirmed I was ok. He asked if I wanted to go home - I quickly replied, "No way - let's stay, you do a few more runs and I will wait in the chalet. Go have fun, but promise me you will help me buy a new pair of skis!"

David gave me a hug, and said, "Sure, I am so glad you like skiing..." he hugged me again, kissed me and told me, "love you lots".

I never imagined that at that moment, he was realizing that I was the one. The ONE for him.

All I knew was no matter what we did, no matter what, I always had fun with David. Even in the midst of huge wipe outs, I super enjoyed being with this man. Little did I know, that during our night of skiing, David was coming to the same realizations about me!

I waited in the chalet and watched the man of my dreams ski a few more runs. I was happy. Truly happy... and I still am today!!!!

Now, every Valentine's day, I give David a big hug and innocently ask, "Remember when my ski broke?"

And David replies with a grin, "I certainly do!"

Then, I giggle and say, "Remember my giant pen*s?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

(I will not post his routine response...just in case my mother or mother-in-law are reading!!!)

Happy belated Valentine's day everyone - I hope you had a wonderfully happy day with your loved one. Me, I went skiing!!!!

With the man I love with all my being...

... and with two of the three products of this mutual love!

IT ROCKED!

and I was happy!

PS - sorry for the delay - my access to Blogger is a bit wonky!

We're even, poolside grandpa!

Every Wednesday I take the kids to swimming lessons. The boys are in a class together and I am in a Parent and Tot class with Madigan.

With my recent weight loss, I was in desperate need of a new bathing suit. During our bi-weekly Costco shop I saw a great deal on suits. I hummed and hawed and finally decided on a nice, simple rust colour one piece. With no change rooms, I inquired about return policies and I was told no problem as long as liners and tags were still on the suit.

When I got home I tried on my new suit. It was a little revealing - but both my hubby and my mother agreed it was still acceptable for public swim lessons.

I wore the suit this week to swim lessons.

A few of the other moms commented on my new hair cut and my new swimsuit. And to them, I say: THANK YOU. Your kind words and encouragement really made my day. I still have more weight to loose, but every compliment and cheer of support keeps me motivated.

To the poolside grandpa I say: We are even! Ya old man, I saw you sitting waiting for the public swim to start after our classes. Ya, I saw you checking me...and my boobs out. Yep. I did. I saw you smirk at me and then remain in your chair even after the public swim buzzer sounded. Yep. You made me feel self conscience and a bit uncomfortable with your glare and smirk...but I would guess you felt even more self conscience and uncomfortable when you nonchalantly picked up your towel and laid it over your lap. So, grandpa, we are even - good for me for loosing 66.5 pounds and wearing a flattering swim suit...and, well, um.... good for you for still getting it up!

-------------------

While, it will be a few more pounds lost until I am brave enough to post a swimming suit photo - here is a recent photo. I am actually wearing pants I bought at value village for $4.99 - they are the smallest size I have worn in 6 years. Even better, I am wearing the jersey that I wore on my first ever date with hubby - 7 years ago. Back then I thought I looked good in it...and now, while it fits me a bit differently, I cannot begin to tell you how great it makes me feel!!!!

66.5 pounds lost - February 12, 2009

February 6, 2009 - 10:32 PM

My dear sweet Madigan,

Today you turned two.

After one last hug and birthday wish you toddled off to bed.

Once you were asleep, I tip-toed into your room. I stood over your crib and watched you sleep.

I was filled with pride, love, appreciation, gratitude and awe. You are a wonderful, fun-loving, caring, giggle-filled, stubborn little girl. I love you with every fiber of my being.

Today you turned two. You are not a baby any more. You are growing into a confident, happy, dynamic child - oh, did I mention you are also very stubborn?

You are my little girl. That is a very special bond.

You are my youngest. That is a very special bond.

As I stood over you, watching you sleep you took in a deep breath, sighed, then giggled. I leaned closer to you. I took a deep breath and held it, closing my eyes. My heart expanding.

Madigan, I hope that you always know and realize how much you are loved. I hope and pray that our relationship grows strong and solid and that it withstands any challenges we may face as mother and daughter. I hope that you continue to have a wonderful relationship with each of your brothers and that your eyes always sparkle when Daddy walks into the room.

May your love of life and your desire for adventure and discovery only grow. May you mature into a confident, strong-willed, even tempered, young lady. May all your dreams come true and all your hard work be recognized.

Madigan, I hope and pray that you one day experience the joy, wonder and beauty of being a the person you were meant to be and the person you want to be.

I love you my little princess - with all my heart. Happy birthday, and sweet dreams.

Love and kisses,

Mommy

Sunglasses and Astronaut Suits

My parents arrived home - safe, sound, relaxed, and tanned (no, I am not jealous!).

The kids and I picked them up at the airport and we headed off for dinner at the Take What You Want restaurant.

All the three kids were so good and friggin' cute! Madigan ate like a line-backer and entertained the wait staff with wonderful renditions of Rollie-Pollie and 10 Little Lions. The boys visited the buffet at least 3 times each and they even participated in the conversation, with DJ initiating the conversation with a hearty, "So, Pepe, how was your vacation?"

We had a great time talking about their "trip to the sun".

As I was putting the boys to bed, I commented on their great behaviour at the restaurant and told them how proud I was of them both.

DJ grins and says, " Mommy, it is fun to hear about great adventures. I was listening carefully and being very polite."

"Yes, it is great fun and you sure asked Nana and Pepe some great questions about their trip."

"Mommy, I am glad Pepe and Nana wore their sunglasses when they went to the sun. The sun is very hot and sunglasses protect our eyes."

From the other side of the room, all nestled in his blankies Anderson pipes up and says, "Maybe Pepe will show us his astronaut's suit the next time we go visit?"

Sunglasses and astronaut suits.

DUH! Of course, you need sunglasses and an astronaut's suit when visiting the sun. THE sun.

It just slipped out...

I was serving lunch and DJ was helping to put out the milk glasses and I asked him to go tell the little ones that lunch was ready.

He looked up at me and screamed,"ANDERSON, MADIGAN, LUNCH IS READY. GET YOUR LITTLE BUTTS UP HERE!"

I looked at DJ, not really amused, and it just slipped out, "DJ, I could have done that!"

"I know Mommy, I learned it from you!"

Bashert

For 2009 I am not making a new years resolution, per say... instead, I am committing to my bashert.

(Warning: This post is a bit all-over-the-place, please bear with me...in the end, it may make sense...it just might!)

My heart goes out to each and every person who has lost a loved one at war.

I am not going to jump onto a soapbox and start preaching my political views on war, but I am going to say that each and every time a young soldier makes the ultimate sacrifice my heart saddens, my resolve in the human spirit lessens, and I am left wondering why?
Canada has lost 106 soldiers since our Mission in Afghanistan started.

One hundred and six.

There is a stretch of highway between Toronto and CFB Trenton that has become known as The Highway of Heroes.

The bodies of our fallen soldiers must drive this route. What started as a impromptu tribute has become a very touching and sad last tribute to show our support for the grieving families, our military and our country. Hundreds of people gather on two overpasses to honour the fallen soldier. They wave flags, shed tears and pay their respects.



This video really sums it all for me.

When the death count hit 96 I started to really contemplate making the 5 hour drive to stand at attention the next time a fallen soldier returned home. I started to feel like it was something I really had to do...a calling of sort.

The month of December has been a month of terrible loss for Canada.

I sadly realized, that logistically, I could not follow my calling and pay tribute on the Highway of Heroes.

So, with the start of the new year, I started to mull over new year's resolutions. Most revolved around around continuing my weight loss journey, staying committed to my fitness plan and achieving results.

But the thought of making the trek to pay homage to a fallen soldier kept jumping to mind.

So, I decided to set realistic, attainable goals that would incorporate both my fitness goals and my new burning desire to show my respect for those placing their lives in danger.

Let me explain.

Remember this post about my last running experience? Go ahead, go read it, it is kind-of amusing!

Ok. Welcome back. So, you can now understand why I do not wish to attempt another 5km run. But now that I have lost 57.5 pounds I have rediscovered the joy of running. I have been roughly following The Running Room program and am averaging about 3-6km two or three times a week.

Now, I am a competitive person and I thrive with challenge. Through Facebook I have connected with my friend Leah - and her Facebook status keeps listing runs and triathlons - what a great way to keep motivated, active and accountable. She is so inspiring...and her invilvement in community races got me thinking...

So I did a bit of research looking into local race days and training clinics, and I have come up with what I think is a great plan. So, here is what I resolve to do this year:

1. Train for the St Paddy's Day 10K Race - my goal is to run 5KM and walk 5KM.

2. Participate in the National Capital Race Weekend 10K Race - my goal is to better my time from the St. Paddy's Day race - and I hope to run more than walk!

3. Sign up for The Running Room's Half Marathon Clinic - to join the program you have to be able to run 10km doing a run 10min/walk1min pattern

4. Complete the Army Run Half Marathon on September 20,2009. I simply want to start the race and then cross the finish line. Just doing it will be my goal. And what makes this run doubly special is that 1) I am showing my support to the Canadian Armed Forces and 2) It will be exactly one year since I started my weight loss journey. What an awesome combination! When I saw the race date and the cause it all made sense to me!

I really think these goals are realistic, attainable and will allow me to keep true to the new me.

I am really excited about my plan and I am going to work hard to keep committed and focused - and realistic, meaning, I may re-evaluate each goal as I go.

My friend Ilana says I am not making new years resolutions or goals, but fulfilling my bashert. And, considering how nicely it all works into my game plan, I think I would have to agree!

So, what is your bashert?

An Apology Would Go a Long Way

Back in March of 2006 I stumbled upon a great job. A job I would have killed for when I first moved to Ottawa as a recent Canadian Studies graduate. My dream had been to work for the Federal Government and one day be a foreign diplomat. But really, what I did when I moved to Ottawa 17 years ago and my professional journey is quite a fun story and I do plan on blogging about it soon...but let's jump to Tuesday December 16, 2008.

I arrived at work at my normal time, fired up my computers and open my email. BAM! I am pretty sure a two-by-four came swinging out of my computer and smacked in the face. BAM!

The email was from my compensation advisor apparently she had "revised all overtime forms sent" to her and had determined I had been "overpaid on most of them." Blah. Blah. Blah. $529.62. Blah. Blah. Blah. "We are allowed to collect at a rate of 10% of your pay per pay...until the full amount is recovered". Blah. Blah. Blah.

HUH?????

OK, deep breath. Calm down, Laura. Deep breath!

My contract specifically states that my hours of work will be "20 hours per week, from Monday to Friday. [My] hours of work are 4 a.m. to 8 a.m...Willing to work overtime on a regular basis is a condition of employment for this position. By acceptance of this offer [I am] also accepting this condition."

So, since March 2006 I have been asked to work overtime on the weekends. Anytime there was a "big news story of federal government interest" a member of our team was asked to come in to work on the weekend. You see, my job is to watch TV news, listen to radio news and analyse front pages of newspapers across the country. I help create a multi-media report that federal government employees and federal politicians can access - but the cool part, no matter your political party affiliation, is that my main "customer" is the Prime Minister of Canada and his staff.

For example, recently PM Harper was in Peru and I was asked to work weekend hours in order to to keep the Prime Minister's communication staff up to date on the coverage happening in Canada. They were briefing him each morning and wanted our report by 6am each day. I volunteered to come in and complete the report.

Back in 2006, the very first time I was asked to work a weekend my then boss joked, "well, at least you get overtime pay". Then the first time I worked both a Saturday and Sunday my boss corrected my overtime sheet to have the Saturday hours paid at 1.5 rate and the Sunday hours to be paid at the 2.0 rate. They used the terms "first rest day" and "second rest day". So, this has always been the practice. Work the weekend - get 1.5 or even 2.5 pay rate for coming in on the weekend.

What is also important is that not only did my manager sign off on the overtime sheets, so did his manager. At times sending it back to me to make corrections - like for my November time sheet. I claimed the 1.5 rate for my Saturday hours and the 2.0 rate for my Sunday hours AND my premium pay for working outside the "normal business day" (it is $2.00 an hour for any hour after 5pm and before 8am). My form was sent back to me and I was actually told (JUST LAST WEEK!) that I only qualify for the 1.5 and 2.0 overtime rate and that premium pay is not paid on overtime weekend hours.

So, compensation girl has determined that SOME of my old time sheets were corrected and some were not. According to her calculations I owe them for 9 shifts, some dating back to July of 2006, in which I claimed the 1.5 or 2.0 rate. She also determined that they owe me money for four hours I worked, but was not paid for properly.

Is your head spinning????? Mine is. And I am fuming.

I am mad at myself for not scrutinizing my pay cheques. They were higher when I worked extra hours, and I just figured it was all correct. I am mad at myself for no researching the Collective Agreement and figuring out my rights and pay levels.

I am furious with the 5 managers I have had in the last 3 years - yes, 5- for not knowing the nuisances of having a part-time employee. I am mad that I was told to fill in my forms a specific way and that TWO levels of management signed off on them - leading me to believe they were correct.

I am extremely upset at the compensation advisers. Why did they not inform me of discrepancies on my forms and the corrections they made to correct them. If notification would have occurred the first time this happened, then we would not be in this mess. If when it occurred a second time or a third time or a million times they should have contact me AND my management. They should have realized there was a lack of communication and understanding of the pay rate scale.

But you know what make me the most upset? Is that in all the correspondence between my boss on this fiasco, he has never once said sorry. Not once. All I want is a, "Damn-it Laura, sorry this happened..." Or, "This absolutely sucks, I'm sorry I never caught the error." Or, "My bad. Sorry." Or, "Hey, it is Christmas, and you know, it is my fault this happened, so, here is $500, pay off the debt! Merry Christmas! Sorry."

Heck. I would take a simple sorry. Sorry. SORRY.

Well, excuse me while I dry my tears of anger and go ice the huge welt and bruise the two-by-four left...and as I start to budget better since my pay is about to be garnished.

A. Simple. Apology. Would. Go. A. Long. Way.

Long Day Lessons

Today has been a long day - literally, it has been a long day.

3:02 AM - Woke up
3:55 - Arrived at work
4:00 - 8:00 - Worked regular hours
8:30 - 11:30 - Played with Madigan, folded laundry, packed for all three kiddies, ran 3 errands with Madigan
11:40 - Met boys' bus
12:30 - 1:30 Hit McD's drive through for kiddies and drove to Kemptville
1:30 - 3:00 - Had a nice visit with my parents
3:00 - 4:00 - Hit the dollar store in Kemptville for party favours - BINGO! Lucked out and got everything I needed!
4:00 - 4:45 - Drove back to Ottawa
5:00 - 5:30 - Caught up on my blog reading and commenting
5:30 - 7:00 - Relaxed in a warm bath
7:00 - 8:30 - Wink, wink, nudge, nudge --- no kids at home, you can figure out how hubby and I spent our time!!!!! (blush, blush)
8:30 - 10:30 - Napped in the arms of my wonderful man
11:00 PM - Arrived at work to do an extra shift
11:00 PM - 1:30 AM - Monitored National news and completed assigned tasks as requested by the Office of the Prime Minister of Canada
2:00 AM - Arrived home

Now, I hope to sleep as I have my French course at 9AM for 3 LONG hours...

...did I mention it was a long day?

And worst of all - I keep thinking of food! I am so tired and all I want is to snack. Mindless snacking. But I am committed to my weight loss program. But I cannot stop thinking of food! Junk food, comfort food.

I am actually a bit depressed over all this craving sweets and junk food. I am scared that once I am transitioned back to food, I may fall into my old habits. That is not acceptable. I cannot go back to my old ways. I have learned coping strategies. I have worked hard to loose 42+ pounds. Why forfeit all that?

Some days I think I have come a long way in changing my way of thinking of food...and then I have a day like today.

While I am optimistic that I am learning and changing and committing to a healthy lifestyle moving forward - I have now realized food will always be an issue for me. And I will have to be strong, committed and secure in my decisions not to let food control me any more.

I did not break program - even though this has been a long day - and even though in the past I would have snacked on chocolate bars, chips, cola and other terrible food choices - I did not.

I learned an invaluable lesson during my long day.

Good Night! Sleep and Eat well my friends.

Post Cards, Whistling and Cranapples

Today, I remember the brave men and women who have served this great country, protected our freedom and who fought for our rights. Today, I remember all those who have given the greatest sacrifice ever imaginable. Today, I remember all those currently serving. Today, I remember.

Today, I remember post cards, whistling, and cranapples.

Today, I remember my Papa.

Oh, how I miss my Papa. How I wish he could have seen me grow into the woman I am today. How I wish he could have seen me marry the man of my dreams. How I wish he could have held my children as newborns and known them, guided them and loved them.

Today, I remember old post cards.

Today, I remember treasure hunting with Papa to find old post cards. During my summer visits we visited thrift shops, yard sales, flea markets and collection shows. Papa would scour each card. Gently caress the photo side, slowly turn it over, inspect the stamp, date and personal message. The he would flick it with a tap and nod his head approvingly and put it aside. Our newest find.

I never really understood Papa's fascination with post cards. They were post cards from people he did not know. Strangers. They were old and sometimes in a fragile state. Why did he collect these personal glimpses into strangers' lives?

At first I thought it was because he wanted the stamps for his stamp collection. This is partially true. Once home he would re-inspect the post card, and sometimes carefully remove the stamp and add it to his collection. Then, he would place the post card into an old show box. No post card was ever discarded or thrown out.

One day, as a teenager, I asked him why he liked collecting post cards of strangers. His reply did not mean that much to me then...but it does now.

He collected them because it was a glimpse into a happy time, an adventure, a happy moment. Few people send a post card full of sadness. Most cards end with, "Wish you were here!"

Years later I would recognize the importance of those post cards to my Papa. Most of the post dates were from the days, months and years he spent as a POW during WW2. How terrible that time must have been. The terror, pain, loneliness, despair and fear he must have faced in the prisoners camp.

Those post cards he handled so gently, so lovingly, so full of respect, were a way to leave those terrors behind, and see that in that time of horror, there were glimpses of love, laughter and good times. Life had been almost normal - somewhere. Proof that during a time when he was surrounded by death, destruction and may ham, there was light, happiness and life. And I think, he wished he had been there.

Today, I remember how my Papa would always be whistling. He whistled.

He would whistle as he worked, whistle as he walked, whistle as he drove. He whistled.

He whistled so much we sometimes forgot he was whistling.

He whistled when he was happy. He whistled when he was sad. He whistled.

He whistled to secretly communicate amongst his fellow POWs. He whistled to alert to danger. He whistled to keep his sanity. He whistled to give hope, faith and friendship in a dark time in a dark place. He whistled to proclaim the time was right to put their plans of escape into action. He whistled. He survived.

I am sad that I did not understand why he whistled. I am sad I did not hold onto his whistling and embrace it, cherish it and love it like I should have. I miss his whistling.

Today, I remember throwing cranapples at the squirrels trying to get into Papa' bird feeders.

Every morning he would sit in the front window, read the newspaper, drink his coffee and curse the damn squirrels for stealing the birdseed. Then he would get up, walk out the front door - I would scamper behind him. He would pick up a rotted cranapple from the ground, take aim and peg the pesky squirrel. I would grab some ammunition and stand at ready.

Years later, I look back, and I realize the power, the meaning behind Papa protecting his much loved birds and their birdseed. As a child, the symbolism of this act was lost on me. Now, I see a strong, brave, committed man caught in a fight. I now see the complexity of protecting, fighting and guarding what is ours.

Today I remember my Papa. Today I remember all those who have served and who are serving this great country.

Today, I remember.

Do you?

Weighty Issues and Lessons

Ok - today I am answering a few of the questions many of my wonderful bloggy-friends have been asking about my weight loss program.


Let me start off by saying that a liquid diet is not meant for everyone. Talk to your doctor, investigate your options, and then make an informed decision. Education is power!


1) Why did you decide to try a liquid diet?


A few months back I would have never guessed that I would even ponder a full liquid diet, let alone stuck to one! I remember in university, when I was a varsity athlete & in great shape, my roommates did Slimfast. I rolled my eyes at them!!!


I have always been active, especially with playing soccer. Last summer, I was not happy. I felt HUGE, slow, and ashamed of my body, and of my play. So, back in June I started talking to my doctor about options. We discussed exercise programs and dieting. I started different self-paced plans, but nothing was really coming together and I was getting more and more upset. I was trying to watch what I ate, exercising - but not loosing weight. I needed help.

My doctor suggested the program offered at our local hospital. Neither of us knew very much about it - so we started investigating. For the program you had to have over 50 pounds to loose.

After the application process I just knew this program was what I needed. It was extreme - but I felt I needed an extreme solution. I also began to see the benefits (for me) to move to a liquid diet and then have a controlled re-introduction to food. I also liked that this program had mandatory group and individual meetings and support from a range of professionals.



2) How does the program work?


You can get lots more info HERE.


Basically, you go onto a liquid only diet for 6 or 12 weeks, and then have a gradual re-introduction to food. You also have a series of routine medical tests including heart tests and blood work done to monitor your health. Weekly group meetings are mandatory for the first 26 weeks, then you move to a less structured follow-up plan. You also meet with a program doctor each week and have individual sessions with other health care professionals like dietitians, physical therapists and personal trainers.


This is how my plan is set up - it does varies from person to person. During the first week of the program I restricted my diet to 1200 calories of "normal" food. Then for 12 weeks I have 4 shakes a day - for a daily caloric intake of 900 calories. Then I will start to re-introduce real food. You gradually reduce the number of shakes you have each day and replace it with strict real-food options. For example, the first week of transition you have 3 shakes a day plus 1 cup of veggies and 1 serving of protein. When I get to transition I promise to write more...well, I will NEED to write more to get my head around it all!



3) What is the name of the shakes? Do they taste good? What flavours?


The actual product is called OPTIFAST and it is made by Nestle. In Canada it is actually a prescription. The Canadian program only offers 2 flavours of shake powders: chocolate and vanilla. You can use low calorie, or no-calorie extracts to flavour if you like -

but I have decided to keep things simple.

I usually have 2 chocolate shakes a day, one vanilla shake a day and I also usually mix one vanilla shake with cold coffee once a day. I do not mind the taste. I did worry about how it would taste - but they are OK. You can adjust the amount of water used to change the consistency of the shake.


Some people use blenders, but I am lazy and use the hand shaker they gave us.

You have up to 20 calories to play with - many people use this as up to 1/4 cup of skim milk for their coffees, or to drink a cup of broth. I actually use the broth option to replace my salts if I have an extreme workout or soccer game where I sweat lots. It is actually quite refreshing and satisfying - can you friggin' believe I just wrote that about broth!?!?!?

The shake is perfectly balanced to meet all your nutrient needs. The goal is to provide your body with just enough calories to function and to get into a light state of ketosis. In ketosis your body is releasing ketones, which means you are burning stored fat. In ketosis you do not feel hungry - for real!!! I have found that I am not as moody or tired as before - my body has the fuel it needs and no junk in it. I am no longer artificially boosting my sugar levels to compensate. I actually feel GREAT!

4) Do you miss food? Do you have any cravings?


There are times when I miss food - or more specifically chewing a variety of tastes. But, I am kind of liking the simplicity of the shakes. It is like a vacation from food. It is easy and instead of dwelling on the food I am missing, I think of what I am doing to take control and what I am learning.


The shakes are sweet - so I sometimes crave salty or some of the ethnic flavours I love. But, again, I try to stay focused and think to myself that right now, no food will taste as good as I am going to feel lighter and healthier. I have also discovered a bunch of decaf/herbal teas that give me a variety of flavours.

What I miss most is dinner time with my family. I have decided not to participate in the dinner hour - for personal reasons I decided I did not want my 3 young children to see me not eating. So, I make the meal, serve it and then escape - I either go for a walk, go to soccer, to the gym or go blog. Therefore, I do not miss food, but the social and family-bonding that takes place during food-related activities.


5) What have you learned so far?


Oh, I have learned so much about my old eating habits, old insecurities, and about the relationship I had with food. I have also learned a series of coping techniques and strategies for keeping the weight off. Look over to the right sidebar - I am starting a little list!


I am amazed at a few things:

• how little FUEL the body needs to work efficiently


• how easily other emotions can be mistaken for hunger


• how good I feel when I am not eating crap


• how much I use to eat BEFORE I ate - taste testing while cooking, snacking and stealing from the kids


• how I need accountability and I will ALWAYS need to watch my weight and work hard at maintaining a healthy weight, and


• how much I deserve to be happy, healthy, active, and to feel beautiful, inside and out.

Our weekly meetings cover a whole series of topics including portion controls, journalling, coping strategies, exercise programs, label reading and food preparation, and creating support systems.

I like how the behaviour specialist tells us that not everyone has will power - but you can have skill power to make the the right, informed, healthy decisions needed to succeed.

Another HUGE lesson I am learning each and every day is what foods I do not need. This is a bit of a strange concept to explain. Before, I believed totally in the "everything in moderation" theory. But I am plagued with the "all or nothing" mentality too...a deadly combination! I still believe in moderation, but my attitude has changed a bit. For example, it is OK to have a chocolate bar - but now I need to ask myself, do I REALLY want that chocolate bar. I really think my food choices will change. At the end of the 12 weeks I will have made it through multiple stresses, challenges and cravings without junk food or comfort food. Therefore, why do I need those bad food choices to help cope with life situations??? So, I have learned that there are foods just not worth having and that the high they gave me or the comfort they gave me was artificial. I now have new and better coping mechanisms.

I have learned so much...and have lots more to learn!

6) What is your weight goal?

Believe it or not, but my main goal is not number-oriented. Instead, I want to be healthy and fit. I want to have fun playing my soccer, be competitive in my soccer leagues, feel good about myself and enjoy being active with my family.

But in terms of pure numbers - my initial goal was to loose 10% of my body weight - I did that at week 7. Now I am working towards getting below 200 pounds. At the end of the 26 weeks I hope to have lost at least 50 pounds - then I will re-evaluate. I am never going to be 102 pounds - but I may decide to start maintaining a healthy, active 175 pounds. The program doctors have told me that 170-180 would be a good goal for me.

Realistically, results on this program can vary - but many people loose 10% of their starting weight by week 6 and then loose 5-10% again by week 12. Most people have an increase during transition, but then by monitoring their diet and following an exercise program they begin to loose again.

Well, this post is getting very long! I think the bottom line for me is that this program is working. It is a tough one - a strict one, and an extreme one - but the benefits, lessons learned and the successes I have had to date make it all worth it.

As you have read in previous posts, there have been challenges. But in the end, I know that I will meet my goals and I will be successful in maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle. Failure is not an option. My love of life, my love for my wonderful husband and my amazing kids outweigh any struggle or challenge I may face.

Thank you all for your support.

For now, I will keep shaking, and keep loosing and learning and rediscovering myself.

Keep the questions and comments coming!