Give me a call!

On Saturday I will be doing my annual stint on the CHEO telethon. From 7pm to 9pm I man the phones, so, give a call!

We are all encouraged to bring photos and memorabilia of our experiences with CHEO. This is the collage I made this year.

CHEO saved my two little babies. Donate today (to CHEO or to your pediatric hospital) because you never know when you will need their help, care, love and support.

Thank you CHEO!

Country Crooner for CHEO

I am the mother of two beautiful "CHEO" children.

We are very fortunate to have the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario in Ottawa.

This amazing and wonderful hospital saved my eldest and my youngest children's lives. We will forever be grateful for the care and medial attention we got for both our children.

DJ had emergency surgery at 10 days old. We almost lost him. Multiple times. We still have yearly heart tests and specialist appointments.

Madigan was diagnosed with a sizable tumor even before she was born. She had surgery when she was 3 months old.

Today, at 3pm (est) we are participating in a local country station radio-a-thon. You can listen to our story online at http://www.y101.fm/index2.jsp

Even more importantly, please consider donating and helping CHEO help our children.

Gift of Life

If you are a regular visitor to The Fringe, you undoubtedly have been monitoring my birthday gift list. (I'm still waiting for the packages to start arriving...still waiting...)


Today, in all seriousness I am asking for one gift from each of you. The gift of life. I am encouraging each and everyone of you to sign your organ donor cards, register on appropriate data bases and inform your family that if, heaven forbid, anything should happen to you, that you would like to donate your internal organs to someone who desperately needs the gift of life.

By now you have probably heard of the tragic death of Natasha Richardson. This is so very sad. My heart goes out to her family - especially her loving husband and young sons.

Yesterday the media had so many conflicting stories and rumors. It was very confusing. Being a head-injury survivor I was very interested in the story and started looking for news on the internet.

I read an article that indicated that Ms. Richardson had been air-transported from a hospital in Montreal to a hospital in New York. I thought perhaps that Lenox Hill hospital was a medical facility hat specialized in brain-injuries. But the information I found basically classified the hospital as having a speciality in cardiac care.

That got me thinking.

Perhaps they moved her to NY so that she could be closer to family. I began to wonder why that hospital. And here is what I am hoping: I hope that she had made the decision to be an organ donor and that she had communicated her wishes to her family. If her head injury was severe then, perhaps, she was being transported closer to home, and that if she did pass away, she would be closer to family and also able to give the gift of life to someone else.

I have no idea of what Natasha Richmond's wishes were in terms of organ donation. Yes, I am sad for her and her family - a tragic loss for certain - but by all accounts she was a healthy, generous, caring being. I hope and pray that the most selfless decision was communicated and acted upon. Based on my personal knowledge and experience of a closed-head trauma - Ms. Richardson would have made an idea organ transplant donor. My heart aches that she suffered this injury. But the lives she could save...oh what a precious gift that would be...

Sadly, perhaps through her death, we can all become a bit more educated in brain-injuries, the importance of wearing helmets and protective gear, and that the gift of life is the ultimate gift we can give, once we are gone from this earth.

The fluke accident that happened to Natasha Richardson, could happen at any time to any of us. You just never know...that is the scary part.

I hope that none of us have to face the painstaking decision that Ms. Richardson's family had to make to turn off the respirator. I hope none of us ever need face such a terrible hardship. But I also pray that Ms. Richardson's family, and any of us who may one day face this unspeakable burden, that we all consider, and hopefully commit to helping to save someone else, when we, or someone we love are in a similar position.

Here are a few additional resources and information sources on organ donation:

The Organ Donation and Transplant Association of Canada
Organ and Tissue Donation (USA)
Gift of Life

For my birthday, I would like my gift to be informing my family and friends of my intentions. I would like to be an organ donor. I want to give the gift of life, when mine has ended. Do you?

House Calls

On Friday DJ had his 5 year old check up and Anderson got a prescription!

DJ does not have the same family doctor as the rest of he family due to his complicated health concerns. His pediatrician, Dr. V-S, is currently on maternity leave and has a rotation of doctors taking her appointments.

Friday I took all three kids to DJ's afternoon appointment. The doctor was a very nice lady by the name of Dr. M. While Dr. M was checking out DJ she seemed a little preoccupied. Finally, she exclaimed, "How long has your other son had that cough? Does he has asthma? Is he in a doctor's care? Is he a patient us Dr. V-S?"

I told her Anderson had pneumonia this past summer and has never really gotten over it. His cough comes and goes - but usually comes and lingers. His energy level is extremely low and that for months I have brought his condition to the attention of our family doctor on three separate appointments. (our doctor is very hands off, that is why I originally started to go to him...but I was starting to get a bit concerned regarding his lack of intervention in the situation.)

Anyways, long story short, we went in for DJ's physical and left with Anderson being partially diagnosed with asthma and possibly pneumonia. Poor Ander is now on two different puffers. The good thing is that we noticed an immediate positive reaction to the meds, and I think Ander got his first cough-free night in a long, long time.

I was impressed on how the doctor took control and identified the problem (I would latter find out she is a principle at the lung clinic at the children's hospital). But was even more impressive was that she called us the next day to check how Anderson was doing on the medications. Not many doctors take the time to make "house calls" any more.

So, we are moving ahead with this treatment, and hoping Anderson's cough totally disappears, his energy returns and his sparkle shines again soon.

Writing about house calls of sorts - I went to a great birthday-slash-house warming party on Saturday night. It was great fun! The Veg Next Door has a fab-uuuuu-lous new home. There are two things I HATE - order envy and house envy - and well, I had house envy after seeing the large, spacious rooms! It really was a lovely family home.

My house-envy was subsided by friendly batter and conversation. I really only knew the hostess and one other dear friend - but met a ton a great people. Many of the attendees are runners and it was great fun to swap stories, ideas and training routines. The party was in a small town a little bit of a hike outside of Ottawa, and the weather was not the greatest - but my girlfriend and I car pooled and we had a great drive. I am one lucky gal to have such great friends.

Well, off to make lunch....oh! darn - forgot to do Menu Plan Monday....ok - will get to it soon!

Have a great Monday my dear bloggy friends!

Tipping the Scales - and T Minus 38 days

This evening is my last "regular" Weight Management meeting. No more weekly hospital meetings. I now go into "self preservation mode". Instead of weekly group meetings and weekly doctor meetings, I will monthly doctor meetings and get to choose 6 sessions to attend in the next 6 months. 27 weeks have flown by! I still remember the apprehension I felt applying, committing and starting the program.

Initially, I thought the 12 weeks of of "no food" was going to be the hard part - but really, it was the transition and now, daily living. I NEVER want to go back to where I was - and I am so afraid of that happening. I do not want to be "that girl". You know, that poor girl who worked so hard to take off all the weight, only to put it all back on...and then some.

I have the potential to be that girl - and that scares me. But may, just maybe I can capitalize on that fear and keep focused and committed.

I have seen the results of weight loss. I feel great - I have so much more energy - I am see the benefits in all aspects of my life.

I am super proud of my commitment and hard work - and I still see areas I need to improve. I want to eat healthy. I want to live healthy. And, I think that desire will help me realize my ultimate weight loss goals and it will help me stay committed to this entire lifestyle change.

I hope it does...

I am sure there will be a strange feel in the meeting tonight. Most of us are not done our weight loss journey - and I think we all feel a bit nervous, anxious and tentative to be "on our own".

At the same time, I know that I am looking to define, follow and keep to a new lifestyle. I am confident that Weight Watchers will help me to get there and stay there.

My Weight Management Program with the liquid diet component taught m so much. I am walking out of the program with invaluable knowledge, acceptance and know-how. I am grateful to the program, and more specifically to the leaders - but my journey does not end, just because my program ends.

Thank you to everyone who has been following my journey. Thank you for your support. I hope that you will keep reading, commenting, inspiring, encouraging and cheering me on - I will never be able to properly express my gratitude.

OK - now, back to our Birthday Gift Count Down.

Drum Roll......at Number 38, my wish would be to get a little wave runner...a nice leisure and recreational vehicle.

This is the model I fell in love with at the Ottawa Boat Show this past weekend.

Anderson appreciated the fine steering and power of this fun-machine...

DJ could picture himself catching some rays and hitting some waves...

Madigan and Mommy were envisioning all the fun our entire family could have

enjoying this wonderful gift!!!

(and Daddy was salivating and drooling all over the place!!!)

Hee hee... no where in the rules does it say all 40 gifts have to be realistic...they can be the stuff dreams are made of!!!!

Weight Watchers & Steroids

I attended my second Weight Watchers meeting last night. According to their scales I am down one pound since my last weigh in with them - and their reading of 179 pounds is exactly what my weigh in at the hospital was on Tuesday night. So, we are all on the same page, or, well, should I say on the same weight???!!!


The meeting was packed - it is a very large group. We celebrated some successes: 5 pounds, 15 pounds and obtaining goal weight. It was nice to outwardly and publicly recognize people who are succeeding on program. (more on that later!) The main topic of the meeting was on tracking and the difference between journalling everything you eat and the simply satisfied strategy. I am a tracker - and I NEED to be a tracker - so, the meeting simply helped me to further commit to writing down EVERYTHING I eat and drink. By tracking and documenting and portion control, I think my weight loss will continue.


The team leader, while not super thin, was very energetic, encouraging and enthusiastic. I enjoyed her style and look forward to our next meeting.


Two side bars:

1. My co-Weight Watcher joining friend had a GREAT first week - she lost 3 pounds!!! Ya for DC!!!!!! (hope you do not mind a call out in this forum!!!!) LOVE YA! See you tonight for our walk!


2. I mentioned my blog at the meeting last night - hello all new Fringe Walkers - Welcome! It felt a bit strange to publicly mention and give the url of my blog to basically a room of strangers - but I look forward to meeting new Fringe readers and sharing, learning and loosing together!

Ok - now, back to my post for today.

Did you see my title? Confused? No, Weight Watchers is not pushing steroids! No, when I applied, interviewed and accepted a spot in my Weight Management program I figured the 2 hour weekly meetings would be like Weight Watchers' meeting - only kind of like WW Meetings on Steroids. I was excited - I am an extrovert and thrive on group discussion and such.

As I mentioned the other day, I only have one more weekly session for my program - then I have 6 additional sessions. Overall, I am very disappointed in the weekly sessions. Over the last 25 weeks I have committed to the program and have not missed one session. I have learned new strategies and have taken new lessons from many of the sessions - but overall, I found the sessions unprofessional and basically lame.

Initially, I was super excited about having sessions by a behaviour specialist, a nutritionist, and an exercise specialist. Very quickly, it was apparent that the nutritionist was the MVP of this group of professionals. The behaviour specialist was very nice, knowledgeable, and able to draw on her own experiences on the product - but she lacked a dynamic feature that the Weight Watcher leaders I have seen so far seem to have in over abundance. The sessions did not have a structured flow and I felt like much time was wasted on pop-culture items such as Oprah and here weight struggles. I also found that the behaviour specialist, while very friendly and empathetic to our struggles was too concerned about being politically correct and should have been a bit more stronger in preaching concrete weight loss strategies and habits.

I was utterly disappointed in the exercise component of the program - perhaps since I have always been active - but just the same, the young, perky gal was a bit of a flutter-cake who did not deliver any of the exercise examples and programs as she promised. Three sessions were used up, when the content she provided could have been done in one session. I would have liked to have seen one intro to exercise session, one session on defining and sticking to an exercise program and one session on evaluating and setting future goals.

As mentioned, the nutritionist was great. She gave good talks with lots of information. She was very knowledgeable and friendly. I found her very approachable. I enjoyed the session on reading labels and learned so much. I really enjoyed the taste testing session where she made healthy, quick items we got to try. I have suggested they have more sessions like that in the program - one guy in the program just eats cans of beans, and perhaps if we made, tasted and saw food choices he could graduate to other items!!!! I know I always appreciate hands on knowledge gathering on food and cooking items.

Another element that I really like at WW and found lacking at the Weight Management Program was the aspect of celebrating milestones. Unless we discussed our successes, and failures amongst ourselves, the leaders rarely drew attention to our weight losses. Especially while on product, you could see the weight coming off the participants - but there was no class celebrating. I realize this was for a reason, and that Weight Watchers really totes the successes - but it is easier to stay motivated when you know your hard work will be acknowledged. For this reason, I prefer the WW method.

In terms of the doctors - I looked forward to the weekly doctor sessions - though sometimes they were a bit lame. How are you doing? Look at you! WOW. See you next week! This program is toted as "medically supervised" I think more attention should have been paid to our routine blood work and really discussing our weight issues with the doctor, instead of just reviewing scale numbers.

Also, I think a session with a qualified professional - almost like a one-on-one shrink session - would have been a great addition to the program. People could explore their eating issues in confidence and with a professional. I did not feel I could really talk about certain elements of my weight struggle in front of the group. Further more, there was a session when one topic really hit a nerve with another participant and her reaction to the topic screamed for professional help. I am certain some of her eating issues stem from abuse and having a secure, professional therapy session may have helped more than skimming over her issues in the bug group. I for one also would have appreciated the one-on-one time to discuss the more emotional and deep-seated eating issues I have been working on.

Finally, the list of additional information sessions they distributed last week was a joke. The topics covered in Weight Watchers are more concrete and interesting. I have to choose 6 sessions to attend and not one session offered this spring interests me....not sure what I will do!

OK - once again, my post is getting long, and winded. I am not even going to proof read this post since I do not want to keep adding to it!!!!!

Like every program, there are definite pros and cons to The Weight Management Program. Like I said before, I will NEVER regret participating - but I am also ready to move on. I am excited to see what Weight Watchers has to offer...and I am even more excited about keeping focused, keeping committed and succeeding in redefining my eating habits, my relationship with food and loosing more weight!

Almost 67 pounds lost...about 30 more to go!

Diagnosed OXYMORON

I am an OXYMORON.


I am a JUMBO SHRIMP!

(Didn't the great Paul Simon write a song about that? Oh, wait - that was a rock and an island! Well, maybe I am both of those too?!?!?!?)

I have self-diagnosed myself with a very serious newly named (by yours truly) medical condition called the JUMBO SHRIMP SYNDROME.

Now that I have a diagnosis, I am dealing with this condition a lot better. I am in some sort of remission.

For the last few weeks I have been a bit down, not as motivated as before, and a bit in a rut. I was constantly fighting the urge to hang up my running shoes. Look over at my side bar and you will even see a little blimp in my weight loss - for the first time since starting this process, I gained...a WHOLE half a pound. Unfortunately, with Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome, even a small, tiny, insignificant, water-retention, period-about-to-start, gain, can cause a spiral into the death grip of this illness.

Worst of all, I was hearing voices. Chocolate chip cookies that were stashed in the back of the pantry were calling my name; the chip aisle of the grocery store sent off a deafening roar of, " Come on over Laura, the snacking is good over here!" And extra helpings were begging me to put them out of their misery and finish them off.

And when I did exercise or dress in some of my new clothes (smallest sizes since 2003!) I was feeling sexy and skinny! Oh yes, I did. So much so, I went through the bottom drawer of my dresser - yes, the bottom drawer - the one with the lingerie and non-granny underwear.

Oh ya, baby! Alternating with the negative symptoms mentioned above, I started feeling great about myself. I started to really appreciate the change in my body. I started to like my new, healthy curves. I started feeling good about myself. I held my head up high as I exercised, I did not feel out of place at the gym, I did not compare my tickle-fight stance to that of a beached whale. I started to wear sexy underwear on weekdays and even slipped on a lacy number with the hope it would be torn off me (it was!). I started to think I was skinny.

These positive feelings of pride, self-worth and accomplishment would come crashing down with one look in the mirror. While I felt all skinny and great, one look in the mirror, and I would see a happy, yet, still over-weight gal. Insecurity and disappointment would quickly set in. And that would accentuate the negative symptoms of my condition. The happiness would vanish and I was left feeling fat, depressed and upset. When I really opened my eyes and looked at myself, I saw a Jumbo Shrimp.

Basically, inside, I felt all skinny and great, but the reflection in the mirror or the size on the clothing tag, or the annoying high pitch voice of the Wii fit/Madigan, would remind me that yes, I am still considered OBESE.

With tears in my eyes, I would here my inner voice say, "You're an OX, you MORON!"

An ox, you moron... an OXYMORON.

I have become a Jumbo Shrimp.

So, how does a treat Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome?

1. Focus on accomplishments thus far - I have lost 64.5 pounds - that is AMAZING. I need to take pride in that accomplishment.
2. Keep motivated - this is a process - I need to look at my weight loss as a journey and not dwell on a single step within this journey.
3. Journal - I admit it, my journalling has become a bit laxed, I need to document EVERYTHING I eat and drink. I need to be accountable.
4. Celebrate and anticipate - I need to celebrate my accomplishments (almost 65 pounds lost, in the smallest size of pants in years, ate a healthy, good choice breakfast...) and also anticipate new milestones (will soon run my first road race in 7 years, obtaining a 75 pound weight loss total is totally within reach, saying no to those voices each and every time they scream out to me...)
5. Realize this is not an over-night fix, but a new lifestyle. There will be ups and downs and plateaus...and breaking through and making one good decision at a time is the answer.

Yes, I am an OXYMORON and I suffer from Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome, but I will survive, thrive and be happy.

Helmet Head Protector

Health Canada is requiring manufacturers to relabel over-the-counter cough and cold medicines with certain active ingredients to indicate that they should not be used in children under 6. The effectiveness of such medicines for children is in questions, along with reports of misuse, overdose and very rare serious side-effects have raised concerns about the use of these medicines in children under 6.

DJ (5), Anderson (4) and Madigan (almost 2) are all very sick. So, heeding the warning from the Canadian government agency, we are not treating their cold and flu symptoms with over-the-counter cough and cold medicines. Instead, lots of cuddles, tissues, children's Tylenol, chicken soup, ice cream, TV, extended computer time and rest is our current course of treatment.

This afternoon, a very sick DJ came up to me and asked me if we could make this:

I told him, that would be a great afternoon craft. Grandma and Grandpa sent this cool book of Knight games and crafts...and it is common knowledge that DJ is TOTALLY into horses, knights and medieval time stuff. I commented that maybe we could play knights after and have lots of fun with his new knight's helmet.

"Mommy, I am not making a knights helmet, I making a helmet head protector for my wobbley head. It is to help keep my brains from dripping out and to make my head stop being wobbley and bangy - that's why I want to make it."

Poor little man...here he is curled up in bed, with his helmet head protector on...and still feeling under the weather.

Pad Thai, Green Curry & Lemon Grass Tea

Five years ago I finally relaxed and felt like things would be OK. After a very hectic, emotional, and unbelievably stressful twenty-one days, we finally felt like our son DJ was "over the hump". With encouragement from the nurses in the NICU, my husband and I decided to escape the grips of the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario and go for a nice New Year's Eve dinner.

For the first time we took a deep breath and really felt like we could go, enjoy ourselves, and look forward to the new year. We were now confident our little boy, who we almost lost many times in those first 21 days, was going to see the new year...we were finally optimistic.

When we left, DJ was resting comfortably. Oblivious to the New Year's celebrations. But while we were tired and weary, we were also full of joy and happiness in anticipation for a great 2004.

We did not venture far - just to Sala Thai - a little restaurant down the street in a strip mall. For many, many reasons that food was simply delicious!

Now, every New Year's eve we celebrate with a family outing for a nice Thai dinner.

While this is a dark, grainy shot of DJ and I - our smiles show our happiness and joy.

The Fringe is an exciting and fun place to be and we cannot wait to see what adventures come our way in 2009.

We would like to wish everyone a very happy, prosperous, exciting and fulfilling new year.

Happy New Year!

XOXOX

Naked Ladies and Cake

The Barenaked Ladies - an AWESOME CANADIAN band - was suppose to play in Ottawa this weekend. Hubby and I are HUGE BNL fans, and have been for years.

While in the car yesterday, the radio guy announced that The Barenaked Ladies concert has been cancelled due to a band member's mother falling gravely ill. I commented out loud, "Oh, that is too bad, how sad. I hope she is ok."

From the back of the van, DJ asks, " Why is she sick Mommy? Do you know her? Is she my friend?"

I replied, "No, Honey, Mommy does not know her, but I like The barenaked Ladies and I am sad that some one is sick."

"Oh."

A few minutes pass.

"Mommy, I really, really like bare naked ladies too. I would really, really like to see lots of bare naked ladies. And you know what Mommy? If I saw some bare naked ladies, I would give them cake. Cake always makes you feel better, and we have lots left over from all our birthdays."

Can't argue with that reasoning!

Cake for Anderson's celebration on Dec 6

Cake for Friend Party on December 7
Cake for DJ's celebration on December 10

Cake for celebration for Ander, DJ and my Dad

(DJ and my dad share the same birthday!)

PS. I do not think I am going to do any Christmas baking...I am all baked out!

Tempra-Timing

Madigan is teething. She is a bear right now.

We have never really been a "Tempra Family". We usually rely on more homeopathic remedies and aides - and as a last result we fall back on Tempra.

The last few nights have been terrible. Tempra has been the only solution that helps relieve her pain. The problem with Tempra - and with most drugs - it wears off. It seems to work like clock-work. We give Mags a shot of this liquid miracle-worker and she will drift off to sleep...but will wake up screaming in agony exactly 4 hours later. Exactly 4 hours later. Exactly. Four hours. Later.

Tempra-timing sucks!

Usually my hubby and I grudgedly get up, go get her, soothe her - sometimes with a second dose - and most of the time she ends up in bed with us. All the while cursing Tempra-timing.

Let's see - four hours - the meds last four hours. She usually finally goes to bed between 9 and 10 - so, that means she usually wakes up around 2AM.

This is a HUGE bummer since I have to get up for work at 3AM...and we all know how hard it is to fall back to sleep, or sleep restfully when you know you have to get up in less than an hour! (especially with a squirming 21 month old in your bed!)

So lately, I have been almost as cranky and tired as my teething Princess.

Last night/this morning, I thought I heard Madigan stir. I glanced over at the clock and sighed, 2:33AM...with all my might I wished her back to sleep...it worked!

I fell into a strange dream of dandelions and barber poles (WTF) and in my dream I heard a baby crying...it took me a bit to realize that Tempra-timing had struck again. Madigan was calling out for me.

I woke up, was about to start my wish-back-to-sleep, but first glanced at the clock.

AWWWWGGGGGGGGGG! 3:26 AM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My alarm did not go off... CRAP. Crappity-crap!

I sprang out of bed and dashed for the shower to get ready for work.

And for the first time ever - I praised Tempra-timing.

Believe it or not, I got to work at 3:58AM....Whew!

Weighty Issues and Lessons

Ok - today I am answering a few of the questions many of my wonderful bloggy-friends have been asking about my weight loss program.


Let me start off by saying that a liquid diet is not meant for everyone. Talk to your doctor, investigate your options, and then make an informed decision. Education is power!


1) Why did you decide to try a liquid diet?


A few months back I would have never guessed that I would even ponder a full liquid diet, let alone stuck to one! I remember in university, when I was a varsity athlete & in great shape, my roommates did Slimfast. I rolled my eyes at them!!!


I have always been active, especially with playing soccer. Last summer, I was not happy. I felt HUGE, slow, and ashamed of my body, and of my play. So, back in June I started talking to my doctor about options. We discussed exercise programs and dieting. I started different self-paced plans, but nothing was really coming together and I was getting more and more upset. I was trying to watch what I ate, exercising - but not loosing weight. I needed help.

My doctor suggested the program offered at our local hospital. Neither of us knew very much about it - so we started investigating. For the program you had to have over 50 pounds to loose.

After the application process I just knew this program was what I needed. It was extreme - but I felt I needed an extreme solution. I also began to see the benefits (for me) to move to a liquid diet and then have a controlled re-introduction to food. I also liked that this program had mandatory group and individual meetings and support from a range of professionals.



2) How does the program work?


You can get lots more info HERE.


Basically, you go onto a liquid only diet for 6 or 12 weeks, and then have a gradual re-introduction to food. You also have a series of routine medical tests including heart tests and blood work done to monitor your health. Weekly group meetings are mandatory for the first 26 weeks, then you move to a less structured follow-up plan. You also meet with a program doctor each week and have individual sessions with other health care professionals like dietitians, physical therapists and personal trainers.


This is how my plan is set up - it does varies from person to person. During the first week of the program I restricted my diet to 1200 calories of "normal" food. Then for 12 weeks I have 4 shakes a day - for a daily caloric intake of 900 calories. Then I will start to re-introduce real food. You gradually reduce the number of shakes you have each day and replace it with strict real-food options. For example, the first week of transition you have 3 shakes a day plus 1 cup of veggies and 1 serving of protein. When I get to transition I promise to write more...well, I will NEED to write more to get my head around it all!



3) What is the name of the shakes? Do they taste good? What flavours?


The actual product is called OPTIFAST and it is made by Nestle. In Canada it is actually a prescription. The Canadian program only offers 2 flavours of shake powders: chocolate and vanilla. You can use low calorie, or no-calorie extracts to flavour if you like -

but I have decided to keep things simple.

I usually have 2 chocolate shakes a day, one vanilla shake a day and I also usually mix one vanilla shake with cold coffee once a day. I do not mind the taste. I did worry about how it would taste - but they are OK. You can adjust the amount of water used to change the consistency of the shake.


Some people use blenders, but I am lazy and use the hand shaker they gave us.

You have up to 20 calories to play with - many people use this as up to 1/4 cup of skim milk for their coffees, or to drink a cup of broth. I actually use the broth option to replace my salts if I have an extreme workout or soccer game where I sweat lots. It is actually quite refreshing and satisfying - can you friggin' believe I just wrote that about broth!?!?!?

The shake is perfectly balanced to meet all your nutrient needs. The goal is to provide your body with just enough calories to function and to get into a light state of ketosis. In ketosis your body is releasing ketones, which means you are burning stored fat. In ketosis you do not feel hungry - for real!!! I have found that I am not as moody or tired as before - my body has the fuel it needs and no junk in it. I am no longer artificially boosting my sugar levels to compensate. I actually feel GREAT!

4) Do you miss food? Do you have any cravings?


There are times when I miss food - or more specifically chewing a variety of tastes. But, I am kind of liking the simplicity of the shakes. It is like a vacation from food. It is easy and instead of dwelling on the food I am missing, I think of what I am doing to take control and what I am learning.


The shakes are sweet - so I sometimes crave salty or some of the ethnic flavours I love. But, again, I try to stay focused and think to myself that right now, no food will taste as good as I am going to feel lighter and healthier. I have also discovered a bunch of decaf/herbal teas that give me a variety of flavours.

What I miss most is dinner time with my family. I have decided not to participate in the dinner hour - for personal reasons I decided I did not want my 3 young children to see me not eating. So, I make the meal, serve it and then escape - I either go for a walk, go to soccer, to the gym or go blog. Therefore, I do not miss food, but the social and family-bonding that takes place during food-related activities.


5) What have you learned so far?


Oh, I have learned so much about my old eating habits, old insecurities, and about the relationship I had with food. I have also learned a series of coping techniques and strategies for keeping the weight off. Look over to the right sidebar - I am starting a little list!


I am amazed at a few things:

• how little FUEL the body needs to work efficiently


• how easily other emotions can be mistaken for hunger


• how good I feel when I am not eating crap


• how much I use to eat BEFORE I ate - taste testing while cooking, snacking and stealing from the kids


• how I need accountability and I will ALWAYS need to watch my weight and work hard at maintaining a healthy weight, and


• how much I deserve to be happy, healthy, active, and to feel beautiful, inside and out.

Our weekly meetings cover a whole series of topics including portion controls, journalling, coping strategies, exercise programs, label reading and food preparation, and creating support systems.

I like how the behaviour specialist tells us that not everyone has will power - but you can have skill power to make the the right, informed, healthy decisions needed to succeed.

Another HUGE lesson I am learning each and every day is what foods I do not need. This is a bit of a strange concept to explain. Before, I believed totally in the "everything in moderation" theory. But I am plagued with the "all or nothing" mentality too...a deadly combination! I still believe in moderation, but my attitude has changed a bit. For example, it is OK to have a chocolate bar - but now I need to ask myself, do I REALLY want that chocolate bar. I really think my food choices will change. At the end of the 12 weeks I will have made it through multiple stresses, challenges and cravings without junk food or comfort food. Therefore, why do I need those bad food choices to help cope with life situations??? So, I have learned that there are foods just not worth having and that the high they gave me or the comfort they gave me was artificial. I now have new and better coping mechanisms.

I have learned so much...and have lots more to learn!

6) What is your weight goal?

Believe it or not, but my main goal is not number-oriented. Instead, I want to be healthy and fit. I want to have fun playing my soccer, be competitive in my soccer leagues, feel good about myself and enjoy being active with my family.

But in terms of pure numbers - my initial goal was to loose 10% of my body weight - I did that at week 7. Now I am working towards getting below 200 pounds. At the end of the 26 weeks I hope to have lost at least 50 pounds - then I will re-evaluate. I am never going to be 102 pounds - but I may decide to start maintaining a healthy, active 175 pounds. The program doctors have told me that 170-180 would be a good goal for me.

Realistically, results on this program can vary - but many people loose 10% of their starting weight by week 6 and then loose 5-10% again by week 12. Most people have an increase during transition, but then by monitoring their diet and following an exercise program they begin to loose again.

Well, this post is getting very long! I think the bottom line for me is that this program is working. It is a tough one - a strict one, and an extreme one - but the benefits, lessons learned and the successes I have had to date make it all worth it.

As you have read in previous posts, there have been challenges. But in the end, I know that I will meet my goals and I will be successful in maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle. Failure is not an option. My love of life, my love for my wonderful husband and my amazing kids outweigh any struggle or challenge I may face.

Thank you all for your support.

For now, I will keep shaking, and keep loosing and learning and rediscovering myself.

Keep the questions and comments coming!

Open Wide

A conversation with my almost 5 year old son:

Mommy, do you have to go to the hospital tomorrow for your operation?

Yep. Just for the day. I will only be gone a few hours.

Are you having an operation on your knee like Daddy?

Nope, on my teeth.

Are you going to have an operation on your shoulder like Grandpa?

No DJ, Mommy has to get 4 teeth pulled out and her other teeth repaired.

Are they going to yank your teeth out Mommy?

Well, kind of, the dentist will be careful and pull out my wisdom teeth that are way in the back of my mouth.

And a baby too?

Um. Pardon???!!!????

A baby. Every time you go to the hospital you come home with a baby. I would like a baby brother for Madigan, please. I have a baby brother and she should have one too.

Buddy, I do not think Mommy will be coming home with a baby tomorrow...a toothache and numb face, but no baby.

Oh...that's too bad.

A Lot on My Mind

I have a lot on my mind. I have been "on program" for 7 weeks and "on product" for 42 days.

Things are going very well. For the most part. Yes, for the most part, they are going very well.

This week I lost a whopping 5 pounds. This makes my total weight loss since September 9th to be 27 pounds!

AMAZING. WONDERFUL.

But, I still have lots on my mind.

Last night at my weekly weigh-in and doctor's appointment I discussed some of the mental and emotional issues I have recently been experiencing. We discussed body image, pride, self control, realistic weight goals and how much of a mental-battle the weight loss journey can be for anyone.

Last week I struggled. You could read it on my blog, see it on my face, and sense it every time I made a meal for my family.

And what I realized, is that I will always struggle in this area. Most people do. The trick is harvesting that negative energy - those negative thoughts - and turning it into determination, pride, strength and endurance to keep committed to a healthy lifestyle.

Weight loss is a mental game.

You need to stay focused, committed and positive. There will be challenges, but with the right attitude and support system, you can make the right choices and you can conquer the mental challenges you face.

I saw a TV show one evening where a female, dressed only in her underwear, was placed in front of a line of similarly dressed women. The body sizes and weights ranged from lower than the "contestant" to higher. Her challenge was to place herself in the line.

WOW. What a social experiment. Every single time the "contestant" would miss-judge her weight and size and place herself multiple spots away from where she actually fit in the line. Every. Single. Time. EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail, she perceived herself as bigger and heavier than she really was, compared to the others.

What does that say about body image?

WOW.

I am most definitely sure that if placed in this challenge I would do the same.

Now, after loosing 27 pounds I am struggling with this body image issue on two fronts. (As if one front was not enough!)

I see myself in photos or in the mirror, and I see myself as HUGE, enormous, FAT.

I am sure I would put myself way out of order in that line of naked women! This frustrates me.

Then I remember I have already lost 27 pounds. That is amazing. Something to be proud of, for sure. I think of how much better I feel - how I have more energy, less mood swings, and how I am more active and happy. Then, I feel good. I feel great. I feel awesome. I feel pride...then I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror - and the battle begins again. Why? Because based on how I feel, I think I should look even better, skinnier. I then have to battle those mental-weight-loss-demons. Re-focus. Re-commit. Re-affirm.

The name of the game is DECISION. COMMITMENT. SUCCESS.

Yes, the numbers matter - the scale numbers, the number of healthy choices made, the amount of exercise completed, the tape measure ticks, and the calories eaten. But weight-loss is also a mental challenge - so, how you feel about yourself and how you feel mentally, physically and emotionally matter just the same, if not more.

Yes. I have a lot on my mind.

Perfectly Imperfect!

DJ's heart is very different than a normal - ordinary - run-of-the-mill - heart. He has a very special heart. An ordinary heart is illustrated on the left, and DJ's special heart is on the right of the diagram below. You can read more about DJ's unique medical condition here, and here, and here.

DJ had his annual heart tests today. He was such a trooper. The ultrasound, EKG and ECG went very well. All 5 of his heart abnormalities are either growing with him - that is what we want - or even improving. This is such wonderful news. DJ is currently sporting a heart monitor halter for 24 hours - or, as he calls it, his Heart Robot.

In the waiting room with Great Grandpa.
Getting ready for the cold goo!
Wired for sound.

A boy, his robot, and a perfectly imperfect heart!

Allergies in Church

I was standing in our pew, signing along with the choir and simply enjoying the mass.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see the Sunday school teacher. Oh Oh. What boy did what?!?!?!?

Excuse me Laura, does DJ have any allergies? We are giving the kids a little snack and I noticed his medical alert bracelet. I asked him if he had any allergies and he said YES.

Ummmm. No. DJ does not have any allergies.

Ok, great. Um. When I asked him what he was allergic to, he replied WORK.

Yep. That he is. That. He. Is.

Not good, not good at all!

Shortly after midnight DJ got so many germies he could not keep them in....then shortly after 2am (once hubby and I cleaned everything up) my germies exploded too...not good, not good at all.

The germies are out to get us here on the Fringe...please send healthy, positive vibes. Thanks!

Genetics, The Zoo & Courage

I thought I would take a moment to tell a story about something that happened to me when I was 12 years old.

OK, picture if you will, two 12 year old best friends at ballet class. Not just any ballet class - but the class at which the the ballet instructor announces that the shorter, muscular, just-getting-womanly-curves dancer was the ONLY person in the entire city to pass her Intermediate level-4 exam. But what also makes this a special class is that one (over-bearing) mother is measuring every dancer for the costumes they will wear in the upcoming stage show. The above mentioned mother is extremely distraught that her tall, lanky, flat-chested daughter did not pass.

OK, now skip to the scene where this over-bearing mother is driving the two 12 year old girls home.

Mother: Laura, you must be so happy you passed your exam, I am sure your parents will be proud.

Laura: Yep. I worked really hard, I am very happy. Kathy, I am sure you came close to passing. You will pass next year for sure!

Mother: Oh, I have no doubt in that, Kathy has a long dance and preforming arts career ahead of her. You can see it in her eyes and with with her wonderful dancers' body, she will pass next year for sure. Kathy has the body of a dancer.

Silence.

Mother: That reminds me Laura, you may have to pay more for the costumes you need for the show. Based on your measurements, which are the largest of the whole group, I will need to buy extra fabric for your costumes. So sad that you inherited your father's big lower body and your mother's large chest. What can you do????? Genetics, I guess. You cannot do much when you take after your parents like that - I am surprised you have made it this far with your dance.

Silence.

Anger building in the athletic, but curvy 12 year old. Resentment building in the 12 year old who during the measurement taking session had to listen to this cow-of-a woman make over-exaggerated shocked noises after loudly announcing her measurements - and comparing each measurement to her daughter's measurements. Suddenly a feeling of courage began to swell in this girl. She was proud of her body and of her accomplishments.

Laura: You are very right Mrs. A. Look at you. You look just just like your mom and dad.

Mother: Oh, Laura my dear, my parents live in England, you have never met them.

Laura: Yes, I have...last week...at the Toronto Zoo...in the hippo pen! You look just like them!

S-C-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-C-H. Car coming to a halt 2 blocks from Laura's home.

Mother: Get. Out.

And that was the last time Mrs. A ever drove me home from ballet class!

I thought this was a good story to tell today.

I have struggled with my weight most of my teen and adult life. I have always been active, but during certain times in my life the scales have moved from a healthy weight to an unhealthy, even unsafe weight.

Back in 1999 I joined weight watchers and lost almost 80 pounds. I kept most of it off till just before I got pregnant in 2003. I was injured and could not continue my running, gym workouts or sports for an extended time. The pounds started to creep on. Then I became pregnant. I had a healthy weight gain, but never got a chance to take off the baby weight before baby number two came around. Then baby three surprised us. And the weight kept creeping on.

I am REALLY struggling right now.

I approached my doctor a few months ago and we started to investigate options to help me. I knew I needed medical help to get back in control.

We found a intensive core program offered at our local hospital. To participate, first your doctor has to apply for an application on your behalf, then you fill out a huge questionnaire and go for a few tests. Then you attend an application interview. Here, based on all the information collected, the medical doctor suggests possible programs.

Based on the information provided I was accepted into the (very costly) intensive, hard-core program. It is a year long commitment.

Yesterday, after lots of soul-searching, tears and out bursts of frustration, I called to confirm my spot in the group that starts in September.

I have the courage that 12 year old Laura had to mouth back to her friend's rude mother.

I have the courage and commitment that a mother of three wonderful children can muster up in order to not risk missing seeing her kids grow up.

I have the courage and desire that a wife has when she wants to grow old with the man of her dreams, who loves and supports her unconditionally.

I have the courage and want to succeed for myself - to better myself - to rediscover myself.

I have what it takes...and I will do it!

Reaching for the Stars!

Thank you everyone for your comments, suggestions and support for my last post. Poor DJ. I was so concerned about his condition that I could not think outside of the box. But thanks to all my wonderful bloggy-friends, I have ideas on how to help DJ.


I read over the material that the specialist gave us when DJ was diagnosed with encopresis caused by chronic constipation. We are still awaiting results from his stool samples in order to determine if his daily dose of penicillin is causing the constipation issue, or if it is caused by DJ's special placement of his "plumbing system", or if it is caused by scar tissue from his previous intestine surgery.


Taking my cues from the handout we got from the specialist and all of your wonderful suggestions we came up with three new ways for DJ to achieve the stars and points needed to get his own camera:

1. Take his new medicine without complaint - this is a big one since it is like drinking salt water!


2. Log/inform Mommy or Daddy of a BM (accident or successfully done in toilet) AND always try the potty when Mommy or Daddy ask - this is because the doctor wants him to try regularly and for us to fill in a chart with all the details, so his help is appreciated.


3. Make an attempt to make it to the toilet, or at least tell us of an accident and not hide it - this is key to the charts we have to fill out and the hiding or ignoring the accident is a big thing with DJ.

They are all still toilet-related, but we think they all are achievable. With the old chart he was at least 12 days away from getting enough points for a camera...now, he could easily get it in 3 or 4 days.

Thank you everyone. I so appreciate your support.

When you look at DJ, you would never think that he is so medically special and that his insides are so very unique. And there are times when I forget that he has a serious, often life-threatening syndrome. I never stop thinking of the other families I have "met" who are dealing with tragic, sad and painful medical issues related to heterotaxy. We are lucky. DJ is lucky...let's hope he stays lucky and this issue passes....pun intended!!!

So now, I am looking for high fiber kid-tested recipes. I have already started to add psyllium and ground flex seed. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

DJ is on PEG 3350 till September and at that time we will re-do all the tests and decide if further intervention or tests may be needed.

Thanks everyone for your wonderful support.

Crappy Incentive Program

Many of you may recall a wonderfully crappy day I had a few weeks ago. Well, DJ's crappy days kept coming...and we were all getting a bit frustrated.

So, we started an incentive program. Both Anderson and DJ have become camera obsessed. When they saw a kid's digital camera at the toy store, well, we ALL knew a star chart incentive program would be perfect.


The rules were simple: no more accidents. Each day they did not have a potty accident they would get a star. Five stars equals a point, five points equals a brand new, only for you, digital camera.


The boys were psyched about getting a kid friendly camera of their own.


Mommy was psyched about less laundry and less frustration.


Anderson, our 3 year old was, well, he was stellar! Tomorrow he gets to pick out his very own camera.


DJ, well, not so good.


He kept having poop accidents.


I started to keep track of when, how and why he would soil his underwear. I tried to follow all the potty training and toilet learning books. Being as supportive as I could be...but soon I found myself getting frustrated.

At first we thought it was DJ rebelling since Anderson started to use the potty. Then we thought maybe it was to get attention. Then we thought it was normal 4 year old behaviour. Then we thought it was more than that. Given DJ's medical condition we slowly came to terms with the fact that perhaps his accidents were really accidents.

With DJ's condition, malrotation of the intestines is very common. When he was 10 days old he had the ladds procedure done to correct this issue and he also had a shunt put in to bypass a sizable section of his small intestines at the duodenum. I started to worry about another twist in his intestines or a blockage. I also remembered that the surgeon commented that scar tissue could develop and cause future problems.

Off to the doctor's office we go. She sent us for a series of x-rays to determine if DJ was constipated.


Long story short - yep - it is medical. We are waiting for the 3 stool samples to be analyzed (ya...that was fun! NOT!) so that we can determine if his bowel and intestines are working properly and/or if the daily penicillin is causing the constipation. What we know right now is that he has a fairly serious back-up and the little poop accidents were caused be involuntary releases.

Poor guy.

I could write a million posts about the guilt I feel in terms of DJ having this syndrome...and all the fears I have that he will require medical attention throughout his life. I could write a million posts on how lucky DJ is to not have major complications due to his isomerism and polysplenia. When you list all the abnormalities and defects his major organs have, you would not expect DJ to be as perfectly imperfect as he is.

What a crappy thing for a little guy to go through.

All I can think about are the times when I lost my cool and vocalized my frustration of him having repeat accidents. Crap. I was not always a good mom - I was embarrassed, frustrated and impatient with DJ at times - especially those times when he would have an accident just as the school bus was turning onto our street or when we were out in public and especially when moments after I asked him to try to go potty, he would have an accident. I feel bad that I accused him of not "listening to his body" and I feel doubly bad that I did not believe him when he said " I did listen but my body did not tell me in time". I feel like crap.

And now, on top of it all, Anderson has achieved his 5th point...he is entitled to a digital camera. DJ has not, he is still at least 11 days away...if he does not have any more accidents...or so the incentive chart rules say.

Do I allow DJ to just get a camera? What does that tell him? What does that tell Anderson? Should I stick to the rules and continue to count DJ's clean days for stars? He is now on medication to help, we have been warned, day three may bring lots of runny, icky accidents. How do I prepare him for that? How do I take that into consideration when awarding stars and points?

CRAP! Why did I ever introduce this crappy incentive program. What should I do?

As I am typing this DJ just came to chat. He told me how Anderson gets a camera tomorrow and that he does not have enough points, but he will soon. I almost burst out into tears.

The accidents were not (all) his fault...but the guilt I am feeling sure is my own fault. CRAP.