Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Nonchalant, I am not!

Today I ran into an old friend.

We exchanged pleasantries, and I asked her what was new. Following her heavy sigh and declaration that "not much is new, same old, same old, she asked me the same question.

I joked about my weight loss journey, proudly stated my accomplishments, and with much excitement told her of my upcoming half marathon. I smiled ear to ear while I told her that we drove all the way to BC for a summer vacation, and how the entire experience was super-wonderful. I told her how excited all three kids are for school. Then I told her my big news.

She looked at me - kind of scrunched up her face - wrinkled her nose, looking down at me, she blinked her eyes a few exaggerated times and replied, "You're sure being a bit nonchalant about the whole deal aren't you?"

"Huh?!??!?! Nonchalant?!?!?!?"

"Ya, nonchalant. You know: Hey, I've lost 80-something pounds, I am running a half marathon, we drove to BC, had a camping trip, kids going to school, life is great, and oh, ya, my mom has stage three cancer. Jeez, Laura, that seems a bit nonchalant to me..."

I was awestruck. It felt like I was just sucker-punched.

Oh, the reply I wanted to scream back at her. But I was speechless.

No, I am not being nonchalant. Not at all. Life goes on, life has to go on. But while life is going on, every moment and every second of the day, I am thinking of my mom, the battle ahead of her and I am feeling a million, trillion emotions.

I am not being nonchalant.

I am sad. Scared. Hopeful. Upset. Faithful. Cheerful. Tearful. Supportive. Angry. Positive. Nervous. Numb. Trusting. Spiritual. Foggy. Steady. Fearful. Courageous. Terrified. Confused. Caring. Stunned. Loving. Helpful. Inadequate. Empathetic. Anxious. Sympathetic. Shocked. Concerned. Optimistic.

I am a million emotions all wrapped up.

I pray and hope and know that everything will be fine.

I am anything, but nonchalant.

I am anything and everything I can be and I need to be to help and support my mother, my best friend.

Nonchalant, I am not.

8 comments:

aandjblog said...

Shes obviously not happy with her situation. Forget her. You're doing great!

Amy W said...

It sounded like you were being straightforward and honest, not nonchalant.

Your Mom will be in my prayers.

Brooke said...

I really think we have to live our lives and try to find the good. It's not easy, but it what we have to do.

So, I just wanted to comment on your blog and answer your question about my half marathon training. I have really been running for about six months. I run between 4 and 6 miles a day. Then when it got closer to the half, on Saturdays I would go for a long run - between 9 and 11.

I hope that helps. I didn't know what I was doing really, I just did it. . . and it was awesome! I'll be checking back to see how it goes. Good luck!! Brooke

Melissa said...

Uhm, as someone who has had some real issues lately the one true thing that everyone has said to me is to focus on the POSITIVE. I think you do an amazing job at that...and that you have so much to be positive about...which is awesome.

What will come with your mom will come and you will deal...

I'll be praying for you and your mom!

Pregnantly Plump said...

How did I miss that your mom has cancer? I'm so sorry and she will certainly be in my prayers. I think a positive, upbeat attitude is so much better for everyone involved. It's not nonchalance at all.

Barrie said...

Why do people say such crazy things? Laura, you're great; you're doing great; keep it up. ;) I didn't know about your mother, but am certainly thinking of the two of you now. xoxo

Tara R. said...

I would wonder how she expected you to act? Break down, laugh hysterically, what?

Maybe she was one of those sorts of people who expected you to only say 'not much, how about you?'

InTheFastLane said...

How frightening, about your mom. That can't be easy to wrap your mind around. As you said, there is still life to live and as much as we would like to just drop everything and freak out, our families count on us. So, small freak outs and lots of prayers for your family.