Sunday, February 24, 2008

February 22

For most people February 22 was like any other day. Same old. Same old.

But in our family that date holds a very special meaning. When growing up, that day was my mom's special day. My dad always gave her a present of two little angel figurines. When I was little I was sad for my mom on that day. Sad for her loss. As I got older I used that day to reflect on how my life, our lives, could have been based on that day in 1970. Now, as a mother, my heart aches a little more each year, on that date.

On February 22, 1970 my mother gave birth to twin boys. They did not survive.

Now, as a mother, I understand my parents' grief a little more. A grief that remains in your heart forever. I can only imagine how all-encompassing my parents' grief and agony must have been those many years ago. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to deal with such a loss. I can only imagine the courage it took to go on. I can only imagine the strength it took to continue to care for me - I was only 10 months old when the Twins were born.

Life had to go on. It did. It had to. But I can only imagine the pain, hurt, sadness and grief.

Now, as a mother I feel an even closer bond to my mother. I am certain that the pain of loosing a child must be the most terrible pain ever possible. Now, as a mother, I can understand why February 22 is such a special day for our family.

Today, I wonder.

I wonder how my parents coped at the time. I wonder how they comforted each other. It is beyond my comprehension what you could do or what you could say, when you and your wife/husband have lost two small babies. I wonder how they picked up the pieces. I wonder if they took comfort in seeing me grow and thrive. I wonder how their sadness never over-took their lives. I wonder how they got out of bed every day following the tragedy.

I wonder how different our family would have been if the Twins had survived. I wonder how crazy life would have been with three kids less than a year apart. I wonder how it would have been to have two brothers only 10 months younger than me. I wonder what the Twins would have been like in terms of looks, personality and character. I wonder if I would be a different person had they survived. I wonder if my parents would have parented differently had there been three of us. I wonder how the teenage years would have been like. I wonder what my relationship would have been with both of the Twins.

I wonder.

I wonder why some parents have to go through such a terrible tragedy. I wonder where they find the strength. I wonder how I would handle such a loss.

My heart goes out to my mother and my father. My heart goes out to any parent who has lost a child.

I wonder if my love, support and words of encouragement can help lessen the pain and grief. I wonder and I hope.

A bell is not a bell until your ring it.
A song is not a until you sing it.
Love in your heart, was not put there to stay.
Love is not love till you give it away.


InTheFastLane said...

I think it is very sweet that your father remembered your mother on that day every year. I know several people who have lost babies and wondered the same things as you. Life has to go on, but sometimes it must be heartstoppingly painful.

Elaine Williams said...

You have written a beautiful testament to your family...and to many families in similar situations who have lost a child/children. As a widow of four years I know the excruciating, emptiness in losing a spouse, but as a mother, I think the loss of a child would be magnified untold times past my grief experience. May you be well.

A Buns Life said...

I too can't imagine losing one of my children, but it is a testament to your mom and dad's strength and love to each other and to you that they were able to go on and care for you and each other.

Family Adventure said...

My father's mother lost twin boys during the war (they were born in the basement of their house, literally as the Nazis were bombing...), and no one ever spoke about them. I always felt like it was wrong to just pretend that they never were. However, now, as an adult, I realize that people deal with tragedy in so many different ways...

Having said that, I think it's lovely that your parents remembered their boys each year.


Nissa said...

A beautifully written, sad story. I am sure your parents took comfort in seeing you grow and thrive. Thank you for sharing that personal story with us.

Kellan said...

I can't imagine such a loss either and I think your parents had to have been very strong to deal with such a loss. You are so sweet to write this beautiful tribute to your twins brothers. I think your mother and father must feel very blessed to have such a wonderful daughter - thank goodness they had you! TAke care - Kellan

shay said...

what a beautiful touching post. You're parents celebration of your brothers' lives is amazing! It's something I've watched friends go through and prayed that God would never ask of me. I'm not sure how, as a mother, you could go on...but of course you'd have too.

Hugs to you and to your parents on this sad day.

Life As I Know It said...

What a tragic thing to have happened. I can't imagine, either, how one must find the strength and courage to go on.
What a lovely post, and a great tribute to your family.
Isn't it amazing the things we understand a little bit better once we become parents ourselves?

slouching mom said...

i'm so sorry for their loss. i imagine that it hurts as much today as it did thirty-eight years ago. my heart goes out to them.

Kathryn said...

I just can't imagine such a loss. It is wonderful that your parents always remembered that day.
My sister died when she was 9 and I always felt so horribly for my parents. It happened before I was born, but they talked about her often and had pictures around the house. I always felt like I had another sister because my parents kept her part of our family.
Still, I share your "wonder" on so many levels.
Prayers for your family on this sad anniversary.

Jenni said...

I've always appreciated the gift of faith during times like these. My dad lost a brother in childhood, but he always talked about his brother he would meet in heaven.

Each of my siblings and I have all experienced miscarriages (one sister lost 4 in a row:(, and we can share with our children how they have brothers or sisters that they will meet later.

But as a parent, to lose a living child, my heart clenches just thinking about it.

Emily said...

That must have been so difficult for them.

TheVasquez3 said...

what a heartfelt post. thank you for sharing this.

Don Mills Diva said...

You really gain perspectiv on what our parents endured when you have kids of your own don't you? Your mother was a strong woman...

Janet said...

Your poor, poor parents! Before I had kids and I would read about kids dying I thought I felt sad. But now? Now those stories linger with me and wring my heart in their frigid hands.