But in our family that date holds a very special meaning. When growing up, that day was my mom's special day. My dad always gave her a present of two little angel figurines. When I was little I was sad for my mom on that day. Sad for her loss. As I got older I used that day to reflect on how my life, our lives, could have been based on that day in 1970. Now, as a mother, my heart aches a little more each year, on that date.
On February 22, 1970 my mother gave birth to twin boys. They did not survive.
Now, as a mother, I understand my parents' grief a little more. A grief that remains in your heart forever. I can only imagine how all-encompassing my parents' grief and agony must have been those many years ago. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to deal with such a loss. I can only imagine the courage it took to go on. I can only imagine the strength it took to continue to care for me - I was only 10 months old when the Twins were born.
Life had to go on. It did. It had to. But I can only imagine the pain, hurt, sadness and grief.
Now, as a mother I feel an even closer bond to my mother. I am certain that the pain of loosing a child must be the most terrible pain ever possible. Now, as a mother, I can understand why February 22 is such a special day for our family.
Today, I wonder.
I wonder how my parents coped at the time. I wonder how they comforted each other. It is beyond my comprehension what you could do or what you could say, when you and your wife/husband have lost two small babies. I wonder how they picked up the pieces. I wonder if they took comfort in seeing me grow and thrive. I wonder how their sadness never over-took their lives. I wonder how they got out of bed every day following the tragedy.
I wonder how different our family would have been if the Twins had survived. I wonder how crazy life would have been with three kids less than a year apart. I wonder how it would have been to have two brothers only 10 months younger than me. I wonder what the Twins would have been like in terms of looks, personality and character. I wonder if I would be a different person had they survived. I wonder if my parents would have parented differently had there been three of us. I wonder how the teenage years would have been like. I wonder what my relationship would have been with both of the Twins.
I wonder why some parents have to go through such a terrible tragedy. I wonder where they find the strength. I wonder how I would handle such a loss.
My heart goes out to my mother and my father. My heart goes out to any parent who has lost a child.
I wonder if my love, support and words of encouragement can help lessen the pain and grief. I wonder and I hope.
A bell is not a bell until your ring it.
A song is not a until you sing it.
Love in your heart, was not put there to stay.
Love is not love till you give it away.