Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Diagnosed OXYMORON

I am an OXYMORON.


I am a JUMBO SHRIMP!

(Didn't the great Paul Simon write a song about that? Oh, wait - that was a rock and an island! Well, maybe I am both of those too?!?!?!?)

I have self-diagnosed myself with a very serious newly named (by yours truly) medical condition called the JUMBO SHRIMP SYNDROME.

Now that I have a diagnosis, I am dealing with this condition a lot better. I am in some sort of remission.

For the last few weeks I have been a bit down, not as motivated as before, and a bit in a rut. I was constantly fighting the urge to hang up my running shoes. Look over at my side bar and you will even see a little blimp in my weight loss - for the first time since starting this process, I gained...a WHOLE half a pound. Unfortunately, with Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome, even a small, tiny, insignificant, water-retention, period-about-to-start, gain, can cause a spiral into the death grip of this illness.

Worst of all, I was hearing voices. Chocolate chip cookies that were stashed in the back of the pantry were calling my name; the chip aisle of the grocery store sent off a deafening roar of, " Come on over Laura, the snacking is good over here!" And extra helpings were begging me to put them out of their misery and finish them off.

And when I did exercise or dress in some of my new clothes (smallest sizes since 2003!) I was feeling sexy and skinny! Oh yes, I did. So much so, I went through the bottom drawer of my dresser - yes, the bottom drawer - the one with the lingerie and non-granny underwear.

Oh ya, baby! Alternating with the negative symptoms mentioned above, I started feeling great about myself. I started to really appreciate the change in my body. I started to like my new, healthy curves. I started feeling good about myself. I held my head up high as I exercised, I did not feel out of place at the gym, I did not compare my tickle-fight stance to that of a beached whale. I started to wear sexy underwear on weekdays and even slipped on a lacy number with the hope it would be torn off me (it was!). I started to think I was skinny.

These positive feelings of pride, self-worth and accomplishment would come crashing down with one look in the mirror. While I felt all skinny and great, one look in the mirror, and I would see a happy, yet, still over-weight gal. Insecurity and disappointment would quickly set in. And that would accentuate the negative symptoms of my condition. The happiness would vanish and I was left feeling fat, depressed and upset. When I really opened my eyes and looked at myself, I saw a Jumbo Shrimp.

Basically, inside, I felt all skinny and great, but the reflection in the mirror or the size on the clothing tag, or the annoying high pitch voice of the Wii fit/Madigan, would remind me that yes, I am still considered OBESE.

With tears in my eyes, I would here my inner voice say, "You're an OX, you MORON!"

An ox, you moron... an OXYMORON.

I have become a Jumbo Shrimp.

So, how does a treat Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome?

  1. Focus on accomplishments thus far - I have lost 64.5 pounds - that is AMAZING. I need to take pride in that accomplishment.
  2. Keep motivated - this is a process - I need to look at my weight loss as a journey and not dwell on a single step within this journey.
  3. Journal - I admit it, my journalling has become a bit laxed, I need to document EVERYTHING I eat and drink. I need to be accountable.
  4. Celebrate and anticipate - I need to celebrate my accomplishments (almost 65 pounds lost, in the smallest size of pants in years, ate a healthy, good choice breakfast...) and also anticipate new milestones (will soon run my first road race in 7 years, obtaining a 75 pound weight loss total is totally within reach, saying no to those voices each and every time they scream out to me...)
  5. Realize this is not an over-night fix, but a new lifestyle. There will be ups and downs and plateaus...and breaking through and making one good decision at a time is the answer.

Yes, I am an OXYMORON and I suffer from Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome, but I will survive, thrive and be happy.

9 comments:

Bama Cheryl said...

Love your post! I hear the same (or related) voices hollering to me too, isn't that odd? Thanks for sharing. It helps to know others fight the same battles. Congratulations on your weight loss too!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Great post. I understand your frustrations. You have come so far Laura...be proud and stand tall!

Melissa said...

Oh Laura...you are so not an OX! Losing 65 pounds is such a great accomplishment. I think your attitude is great.

And it's really easy to lose sight of things. I went into a store yesterday and picked a size 10 pants off the rack and was SHOCKED when they fit me. Which is odd because I've been wearing a size 8 pair of jeans for months now.

I think we just don't have any concept in our head of the changes our bodies are going through.

((hugs)) my friend. I think you are doing awesome!!

And RAWR on the sexy underwear...isn't it nice to feel like that again...

Ken said...

r kicking arse and getting it down... GREAT JOB

InTheFastLane said...

You know, i think that sometimes, that is the hard part of being a woman. No matter how much we have done, we still look at what we have still that is undone. We still don't feel perfect. We are so hard on ourselves. You have done so well. Keep your head up!

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Oh those voices that dog us over and over! You have come so far and you are a total winner, you will keep winning. We are all cheering for you!

Karen said...

You are so close, keep on going! You have just hit a short wall, so jump on over it! I can't believe you are so close, you have done this healfully and religously with a great attitude, I wish I had your fortitude. You can do it, we are all here to support you!

Leslie said...

You've accomplished so much. You are truly an inspiration! You're gonna climb right over this wall.

Pregnantly Plump said...

It's amazing what you've accomplished!! I'm sure it does get hard to stick with it, but I think trying on your new clothes does sound like a great incentive!