I am a JUMBO SHRIMP!
(Didn't the great Paul Simon write a song about that? Oh, wait - that was a rock and an island! Well, maybe I am both of those too?!?!?!?)
I have self-diagnosed myself with a very serious newly named (by yours truly) medical condition called the JUMBO SHRIMP SYNDROME.
Now that I have a diagnosis, I am dealing with this condition a lot better. I am in some sort of remission.
For the last few weeks I have been a bit down, not as motivated as before, and a bit in a rut. I was constantly fighting the urge to hang up my running shoes. Look over at my side bar and you will even see a little blimp in my weight loss - for the first time since starting this process, I gained...a WHOLE half a pound. Unfortunately, with Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome, even a small, tiny, insignificant, water-retention, period-about-to-start, gain, can cause a spiral into the death grip of this illness.
Worst of all, I was hearing voices. Chocolate chip cookies that were stashed in the back of the pantry were calling my name; the chip aisle of the grocery store sent off a deafening roar of, " Come on over Laura, the snacking is good over here!" And extra helpings were begging me to put them out of their misery and finish them off.
And when I did exercise or dress in some of my new clothes (smallest sizes since 2003!) I was feeling sexy and skinny! Oh yes, I did. So much so, I went through the bottom drawer of my dresser - yes, the bottom drawer - the one with the lingerie and non-granny underwear.
Oh ya, baby! Alternating with the negative symptoms mentioned above, I started feeling great about myself. I started to really appreciate the change in my body. I started to like my new, healthy curves. I started feeling good about myself. I held my head up high as I exercised, I did not feel out of place at the gym, I did not compare my tickle-fight stance to that of a beached whale. I started to wear sexy underwear on weekdays and even slipped on a lacy number with the hope it would be torn off me (it was!). I started to think I was skinny.
These positive feelings of pride, self-worth and accomplishment would come crashing down with one look in the mirror. While I felt all skinny and great, one look in the mirror, and I would see a happy, yet, still over-weight gal. Insecurity and disappointment would quickly set in. And that would accentuate the negative symptoms of my condition. The happiness would vanish and I was left feeling fat, depressed and upset. When I really opened my eyes and looked at myself, I saw a Jumbo Shrimp.
Basically, inside, I felt all skinny and great, but the reflection in the mirror or the size on the clothing tag, or the annoying high pitch voice of the Wii fit/Madigan, would remind me that yes, I am still considered OBESE.
With tears in my eyes, I would here my inner voice say, "You're an OX, you MORON!"
An ox, you moron... an OXYMORON.
I have become a Jumbo Shrimp.
So, how does a treat Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome?
- Focus on accomplishments thus far - I have lost 64.5 pounds - that is AMAZING. I need to take pride in that accomplishment.
- Keep motivated - this is a process - I need to look at my weight loss as a journey and not dwell on a single step within this journey.
- Journal - I admit it, my journalling has become a bit laxed, I need to document EVERYTHING I eat and drink. I need to be accountable.
- Celebrate and anticipate - I need to celebrate my accomplishments (almost 65 pounds lost, in the smallest size of pants in years, ate a healthy, good choice breakfast...) and also anticipate new milestones (will soon run my first road race in 7 years, obtaining a 75 pound weight loss total is totally within reach, saying no to those voices each and every time they scream out to me...)
- Realize this is not an over-night fix, but a new lifestyle. There will be ups and downs and plateaus...and breaking through and making one good decision at a time is the answer.
Yes, I am an OXYMORON and I suffer from Jumbo Shrimp Syndrome, but I will survive, thrive and be happy.